BodyCrate
BodyCrate is awesome, man!
And they didn’t ask me to say this or anything. I just love it!
You sign up and every month you get a new body part in this cool box, right, packed in these freezer packs and everything. Just rush it out to your doc and you got an instant upgrade!
It’s not like you get a new kidney or something, that’s the VIP membership. At my level it’s more like new toenails or a new lip. But they’re guaranteed fresh and who doesn’t want new stuff? And you get this index card to keep that tells you what this bit does, with pictures and stuff.
This wasn’t really practical before they came up with the organ lasers and skin sprays and stuff, but it’s no big deal now. Even free shipping, if you’ve got Amazon Prime.
The BodyCrate website is hilarious, with wise-ass descriptions of the different parts available. And every month they pick a random member to get a new heart. A heart! How cool is that? Instagram it and tag ’em and they’ll put it on their home page. Free publicity for them, sure, but who cares.
They ain’t perfect. Every now and then the freezer bags burst, or the carriers get sloppy and then you got a real mess waiting in your mailbox. But they offer free refunds if you’re not satisfied.
Some members collect. Like, they try to get a complete set or something. Some of them don’t even implant the things, they keep ’em frozen or seal ’em up as paperweights or something. I know this one guy, he keeps a bowl of eyes on his desk, just because. Crazy.
Where do they get the parts? How should I know? Organ donors, probably.
But what an amazing new world we live in, right? Cheap and easy medical care and a sudden, inexplicable drop in homeless rates and prison populations. It’s all turning around, you know?
Hey, when you post this, tag me, all right? Maybe I’ll get a free spleen out of it.
Always wanted a spleen.
