Capitalism or cannibalism?

A new restaurant has opened in town — you can eat any part of yourself cooked to your heart’s desire (literally). You are completely free to choose which part and how you want to eat it. Just tell the chef if you want your ribs raw or well done.

You can keep track of the parts you’ve eaten with an easy-to-use app (voice controlled, no hands needed) that also stores all your pee and hair growth data for up to 1000 years, just in case. Post to Facebook and keep track of how your friends are eating themselves! The viral nature keeps everyone in a healthy competition.

At first the owners worried a little that the restaurant might be illegal (which it might have well been). Luckily the customers not only embraced the concept — which for some reason already felt so natural to them — but more importantly defended their right to eat themselves to death. So the owners could relax and just watch them roll in. And the customers were happy — after all they had never had the opportunity to choose how to eat themselves before. Thank God, the owners and free choice! (“Free” as in free speech — the privilege comes with quite a price tag, but hey, free cheese is only in the mousetrap.)

Some lonely semi-insane cave-dwelling hermit has questioned if this was capitalism or cannibalism? But since the two are just 3 letters off— the second closest pair after KIDS and AIDS, they’re practically the same thing, so why not cannibalise on it?