The Junction
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The Junction

Chat with Deb About Catalogs (Mar 2022)

Just in time for Valen— um, St. Pat— er, Easter, I guess

My wife, Deb, and I like to go through catalogs people send us in the mail. Then make fun of them. Or sometimes share stuff that makes us chuckle, especially in the t-shirts and signs.

DEB: “I googled my symptoms. Turns out I’m a bitch.” I have ex-coworkers who might agree with that.

ME: Or: “I’m really a very nice person. So if you think I’m being mean, what does that say about you?” Just a thought.

DEB: “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I’m realizing I should have been more specific.”

ME: You’re the right somebody for me, Debster! “You make me want to be a better person! (But seriously, we all know that’s not happening.)” Well, yes.

DEB: “TO MY CHILDREN: Do not make fun of me because I need some help with the computer. Remember who had to teach YOU how to use a SPOON!” Also applies to nieces and nephews!

ME: So, remember how I made fun of that one catalog that took leftover stuff from Christmas and tried to turn it into Halloween decorations? Apparently somebody decided that was brilliant, so now we have (shows catalog to prove I’m not making it up) white Christmas trees with egg-shaped lights and bunny ears on top.

DEB: (looking at same page) And two wreaths together to make a bunny shape, with white phony hydrangeas for a tail and bunny ears at the top.

Just in case anyone thought I was making this up.

DEB: “Art Attack — The overwhelming feeling of having so many creative ideas at once and not enough time to do them all.” Yes, except at church I work with these people! It’s exhausting!

ME: “To me, a used bookstore is an orphanage of books that need a loving home.” Aw, that’s us, honey!

DEB: Except I’ve shifted to Kindle books, Jackster. We’re running out of bookshelves. Awww, this one! “If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do.”

ME: Okay, so here’s a section with women’s clothing, and they are shot on a lovely summer porch that says outside comfort… which works great up until we have this poor woman standing outside in her nightgown. So that we see… how warm the night gown is? How conservative and unsexy it is that it works outside? How lazy the photographer is? Louise Peacock has a partner Bruce who does professional photo shoots, maybe he’d know?

DEB: Sometimes we’ll never know, honey. Okay, look at this necklace. It’s shaped like a bedpan. And the inscription says, “The journey is the reward.”

ME: I don’t think— (looks at necklace) Okay, I see what you mean. That one sounds like a professional nurse¹ question for Ann Litts. Well, on the delivery side; Harry Hogg has been on the utilization side recently. Did I tell you—

DEB: Don’t pick on Harry, honey, that wouldn’t be nice to Jenny.

¹Professional but retired.

I’ve been posting “Conversations with My Wife” since 2016. Medium’s latest design changes involve dropping the subtitles from references, while also truncating long (?) titles, so I am now putting the subtitles into the title and shortening the series name to “Chats with My Wife.” Well, I was until Mark Starlin suggested “Chats with Deb” to make it even shorter (“I think most of your readers know you two are married by now. 🤣 And that you are married to ‘Debster.’”). So I’m giving that a try. Comments welcome.

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Jack Herlocker

Jack Herlocker

Husband & retiree. Developer, tech writer, & IT geek. I fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. Occasionally do weird & goofy things.