Conversation with My Wife (112)

“Sinnerman where you gonna run to? / Where you gonna run to? / All on that day”

Ever get a feeling that there might just be a really, really bad day coming? Source: Pinterest (thank you to Annie Littlewolf).

I got into a pessimistic phase a couple years ago (although is it a phase if I’m still in it? Hmmm)* and decided we needed bug-out bags in the cars and disaster stashes in the basement. My wife started by humoring me, then got into the whole concept more than I did.

DEB: Shouldn’t we pack spare underwear into the bug-out bags? If we’re on the road for two days fleeing the apocalypse we might want fresh underwear. Just saying.

DEB: The store is having a sale on cheap bottled water. I know we have these wonderful straws that let us suck life-giving water from a mud puddle, but it might also be nice to wash our hands.

DEB: How much cash do you have on you, Jackster? Yeah, me too. Tell you what, just in case your Apple Pay and my credit cards stop working after Russian hackers destroy our economy, maybe we should have emergency cash tucked in odd corners, just in case. What d’ya think?

So we have MREs (meals ready to eat, which yes, you can get from Amazon, how did you guess?) in the basement, along with cheap bottles of water, containers that can be filled with water in case we get forewarning, and cash stashed in odd places that don’t look worth investigating in case of break-in. In the car we have our bug-out bag (yes, with a change of underwear—actually, more than just underwear, because who knows?) containing food, bagged water, medications, recommended evacuation routes (we live near Three Mile Island, so we get free updates every year) and (in a separate part of the vehicle) more cash, plus a collapsible shovel which can be used in snow (already convenient once) or dig a hole to hide a body (not yet, but check in later).

Assuming we don’t already have a hole handy, of course.

I was looking at solar earlier in the year. I was excited not just by the idea of being independent of the electric grid—the US does not invest enough in infrastructure, IMHO, and a hacker attack will bring things down like a two-year-old pulling the bottom of a Jenga tower—but also of a Tesla Powerwall battery in the basement, meaning power in the dark. Alas, while the cost is less than what it was, it still is too much for a couple trying to sock away enough for retirement. Prices keep dropping, though. Maybe next year.

Assuming there is one, of course. (Cue ominous background music.)

Copyright ©2018 by Jack Herlocker. All rights reserved, including the right not to be home when the reaper man comes a knocking.


FEMA has a “get ready for the worst” website: www.ready.gov 
You can get suggestions for preparing your very own disaster kit.

And they have a mobile app for disaster on the go: fema.gov/mobile-app