Conversation with My Wife (146.1)
“Are there more catalogs?” “There are ALWAYS more catalogs!”
My wife and I get lots of catalogs this time of year. We read bits to each other.
DEB: T-shirt: “I wanted to be a monk, but I never got the chants.” Life can be like that.
ME: “Please cancel my subscription to your issues.” A t-shirt for casual Fridays?
DEB: “When I woke up today I had no plans to be AWESOME — this just happened.”
ME: That could be you ANY day, honey! “Geology ROCKS, but Geography is where it’s at!” Sounds like one of your faculty happy hours.
DEB: Or this: “Keep talking. I’m diagnosing you.”
ME: “My soulmate is out there somewhere — pushing a PULL door.” Wait, you already had this one marked?
DEB: Don’t worry about it, Jackster, there are plenty of self-opening doors out there. “I’m sorry about what I said while we were trying to dock the boat.” Ah, that would be our vacation where we rented that canal boat and I was deck crew?
ME: You also marked: “SHHHH! No one cares!” So maybe as a retirement gift?
DEB: If I’m retiring, what’s the point of the sign? “I sometimes wonder what happened to people who have asked me for directions.” All. The. Time.
ME: “I hate being accused of lollygagging when it’s quite clear I’m dillydallying.” Well… yeah!
DEB: “I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.” Sometimes I think that’s retirement.
ME: “My kid reminds me of myself at that age. Well played, karma, well played.” I believe my sister said something similar about our wonderful niece shortly after she learned the word “NO!”
DEB: So they have a pillow with a picture of a demon-spawn cat on it, and the eyes light up with LEDs. The description says, “And it’s not at all scary or spooky.” Hello? We can see what the freaking pillow looks like! IT’S EVIL!
ME: “Am I getting older, or is the supermarket playing some great music?” I don’t see those options as mutually exclusive.
Continuing:
Copyright ©2019 by Jack Herlocker, except for the parts I quoted (“Fair Use!”) which is basically almost everything, so never mind.
