Conversation with My Wife (179.5)

Oh look, bunnies! … And more bunnies… And…

Jack Herlocker
Mar 4 · 3 min read

Deb and I like reading through catalogs at breakfast. Seasonal, generic, whatever. We amuse easily.

Now we’re getting Easter catalogs. No Passover catalogs, though. Although I suspect one order of Yehuda matzos from Amazon and that will be over.

ME: See what this t-shirt says?

DEB: “It’s not about the bunny, it’s about the lamb.” So?

ME: What’s all over the rest of the page? Bunnies. Preceding five pages? Bunnies. Following three pages? Bunnies. So basically bunnies out-sell lambs by 53 to one. Also, on the t-shirt itself? No lambs. It’s like these people know about Easter from talking to somebody who wandered through Walmart once.

DEB: On anther religious note: “God never gives me anything I can’t handle. Apparently God thinks I’m a bad-ass.” I need to send that to my sister…

ME: On a topical note, y’know all those “You can’t scare me…” t-shirts? This one has: “You can’t scare me. I’m a nurse and I worked through a freaking pandemic!” That’s Ann Litts!

DEB: Pre-retirement, anyway. In that vein: “One minute you’re young and fun. And the next, you’re turning down the car stereo to see better.”

ME: What? That always works for me. “They say with age comes wisdom. So therefore, I don’t have wrinkles, I have wise cracks.”

DEB: Here they have a nightshirt with a sea otter saying, “I’m otterly exhausted.” Oooh, and matching socks!

ME: Which you like, even in our warm bed. “Whisper ‘I love you’ to a butterfly, and it will fly to heaven to deliver your message.”

DEB: Doesn’t that kill the butterfly? How mean! “3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees.” If only my sleep problems were that easy.

ME: “Wash. Dry. Fold. Repeat. UNTIL YOU DIE.” My my, now there’s a cheery sign to put into your laundry room!

DEB: See, I like doing laundry, I think it’s great. Okay, anybody want to tell me what’s wrong with a “premium glass nail file” that “lasts forever”? Or has TSA decided nail files are no longer deadly weapons and stopped confiscating when they show up on the X-ray machines?

ME: Back to age: “My entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move, and yet refuses to actually glow.”

DEB: Yup, after some of your new exercise routines. “Deja moo: When you know you’ve experienced this bullshit before.” Ah, my old job!

ME: Here’s one for your new job. “No no, I’m not on mute! I just don’t have anything to say right now!”

DEB: Yeah, my current group is much better about me trying to liven things up. They liked my mask and mask for the Zoom meeting yesterday!

Copyright ©2021 by Jack Herlocker. All rights reserved. Well, mostly just the photo of Deb.

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