Conversation with My Wife (179.5)

Oh look, bunnies! … And more bunnies… And…

Deb and I like reading through catalogs at breakfast. Seasonal, generic, whatever. We amuse easily.

Conversation with My Wife (179.4)

Now we’re getting Easter catalogs. No Passover catalogs, though. Although I suspect one order of Yehuda matzos from Amazon and that will be over.

ME: See what this t-shirt says?

DEB: “It’s not about the bunny, it’s about the lamb.” So?

ME: What’s all over the rest of the page? Bunnies. Preceding five pages? Bunnies. Following three pages? Bunnies. So basically bunnies out-sell lambs by 53 to one. Also, on the t-shirt itself? No lambs. It’s like these people know about Easter from talking to somebody who wandered through Walmart once.

DEB: On anther religious note: “God never gives me anything I can’t handle. Apparently God thinks I’m a bad-ass.” I need to send that to my sister…

ME: On a topical note, y’know all those “You can’t scare me…” t-shirts? This one has: “You can’t scare me. I’m a nurse and I worked through a freaking pandemic!” That’s Ann Litts!

DEB: Pre-retirement, anyway. In that vein: “One minute you’re young and fun. And the next, you’re turning down the car stereo to see better.”

ME: What? That always works for me. “They say with age comes wisdom. So therefore, I don’t have wrinkles, I have wise cracks.”

Part of me thinks, Good work, they obfuscated the password with the plant! Another part thinks, It’s a phony password for a phony cottage for a photo shoot! Who cares? And a third part thinks, That’s obviously a zero for the last character, people, and you need more than six characters for a strong password! Did ANYBODY talk to IT before the shoot? Anybody? Drop ’em a quick text, maybe?

DEB: Here they have a nightshirt with a sea otter saying, “I’m otterly exhausted.” Oooh, and matching socks!

ME: Which you like, even in our warm bed. “Whisper ‘I love you’ to a butterfly, and it will fly to heaven to deliver your message.”

DEB: Doesn’t that kill the butterfly? How mean! “3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees.” If only my sleep problems were that easy.

ME: “Wash. Dry. Fold. Repeat. UNTIL YOU DIE.” My my, now there’s a cheery sign to put into your laundry room!

DEB: See, I like doing laundry, I think it’s great. Okay, anybody want to tell me what’s wrong with a “premium glass nail file” that “lasts forever”? Or has TSA decided nail files are no longer deadly weapons and stopped confiscating when they show up on the X-ray machines?

ME: Back to age: “My entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move, and yet refuses to actually glow.”

DEB: Yup, after some of your new exercise routines. “Deja moo: When you know you’ve experienced this bullshit before.” Ah, my old job!

ME: Here’s one for your new job. “No no, I’m not on mute! I just don’t have anything to say right now!”

DEB: Yeah, my current group is much better about me trying to liven things up. They liked my mask and mask for the Zoom meeting yesterday!

“I thought we are supposed to keep our masks on at work?” Deb, in her temp job working at a local tax firm. Her coworkers appreciate her sense of humor. (photo by Deb)

Copyright ©2021 by Jack Herlocker. All rights reserved. Well, mostly just the photo of Deb.

Conversations with My Wife (collection)