Conversation with My Wife (205)
Humor is relative. That’s what my cousins tell me.
So we still get catalogs (yes, Dennett, in the mail—shush!) and they’re mostly junk, but sometimes we still find interesting stuff, and they keep us amused while we eat breakfast. Mostly the t-shirts, signs, and “people BUY this stuff?!” items.
ME: “A REAL smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.” Or crisps, if we’re watching one of our Brit shows.
DEB: Quotes from Greek philosophers: “Ehh, that’s good enough — Mediocrates.” There’s one I’d cite on a philosophy paper!
ME: “The three hardest things to say: 1. I was wrong. 2. I need help. 3. Worcestershire Sauce.” On the other hand, who knows when you’ve said it wrong? So long as they aren’t from Worcestershire. Spelling it, however…
DEB: Got that covered. “Schadenfreude: the feeling you get when you ask someone to spell Schadenfreude.” I just ask Siri.
ME: Putting us back on the pronunciation thing again. Aw, here’s a t-shirt I’d wear for you, Debster: “★★★★★ A+ spouse. Would marry again.”
DEB: Or we could get matching shirts? Or maybe this one for you: “Sometimes I talk to myself, then we both laugh & laugh!”
ME: It was that one time, and I swear I was on the phone, you just couldn’t see the air pods. “Carry a good book, and you’ll always have company. [AND A WEAPON]” I knew I should have hung on to those Encyclopedia Britannica volumes!
DEB: Just carry that old unabridged dictionary, honey. Plus that has all the other books in it, right? Door mat: “Just send a text when you arrive. No need to get the dog involved.” We should buy that for our niece and her husband and their dog.
ME: Also on the dog theme: “All dogs are therapy dogs. Most are just freelancing.” Why does that make me think of Patsy? Or Adam, or Roy?
DEB: Or The Solitary Cook or Classical Sass or Gail or — Face it, Jackster, most of our Medium peeps are dog people. Okay, this one has your sense of humor: “Ever notice how many towns are named after their water towers?”
ME: Oh good, I’m not the only one who thinks it’s odd! And here’s one for you as a PK¹, honey: “All men should make coffee for their women. It says so right in the Bible: ‘Hebrews’”
DEB: And a sign that hopefully will no longer be needed soon: “E-LEARNING IN PROGRESS! Please don’t knock or ring doorbell unless you have wine or teach math.” If you have wine, I’ll forgive the teaching math part.
¹Preacher’s Kid.
