Conversation with My Wife (43)
Reading catalogs to each other at the breakfast table while spring turns into summer before us
My wife and I eat breakfast every morning in our new sunroom.* We also get catalogs—catalogs LOTS**—because we occasionally order stuff online. Sometimes we look through the catalogs with the idea to buy something, but mostly it’s food porn*** and amusement. We aren’t t-shirt people, so we never buy any, but we like to read the t-shirts to each other.
DEB: “My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it: LUNCH!”
ME: “You may not have lost all your marbles, but there’s definitely a hole in the bag.”
DEB: Here’s yours: “Bacon is the answer. What was the question?”
ME: This is you: “I could be a morning person if morning started at noon.”
DEB: You say that like you didn’t know it when you married me. “My glass is empty. Quick! Call WINE-1–1!”
ME: “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”
DEB: “In my defense, I was left unsupervised.”
ME: “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.” I should get that on a plaque for work.
DEB: “If stupid could fly, you’d be a jet.” Which would make where I work an airport…
ME: “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.” Maybe a series of plaques…
DEB: “Don’t bug me, I’m reading.”
ME: Are you telling me this or reading me this?
DEB: “No need to repeat yourself, I ignored you fine the first time.”
ME: Again, I have to ask…
DEB: “I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.” YES! Every. Single. Time. It’s like they have my walking habits mapped out.
ME: “If I give you a straw, will you suck the fun out of someone else’s day?”
DEB: “‘Awesome’ ends in ‘me’ — coincidence? I think not.”
ME: That fits you, honey bunches!
DEB: “I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me.”
ME: “Be careful when following the masses — sometimes the ‘m’ is silent.”
*For the first few years that we lived in our house, we had a back deck that was comfortable for a few hours every year, thanks to sun, cold, wind, and bugs. Then we got an awning with screening (SunSetter, if you’re curious; big thumbs up) and that helped with the sun and bugs, so we got in the habit of eating our breakfasts “outside” most mornings from late spring to early fall. The awning aged, the deck aged, and we got to the point where it was time to repair (in a big way) the deck + porch, or tear it down and do something completely different. We picked #2. Glass on three sides, all of which opens for ventilation; HVAC to provide heat and cold when the weather doesn’t cooperate; skylights to help with light, being on the north side of the house, but with UV and IR protection so that they only provide light. We have trees and bushes on almost all sides of our back yard, so the feeling is very private, and even though we’re in a standard suburban development with Route 30 less than a mile away we don’t hear much external noise. Deb calls it her vacation spot at home.
**I recall when there used to be a catalog season, starting after Halloween and ending a week or two before Christmas. Now it’s more like catalog lulls, where the warehouses restock and the bulk mailers pause to reload.
***This last Christmas our “gift to each other” was a large order from one of our food catalog companies. OMG, that stuff was good.**** The worst thing we ordered was “pretty good,” the best was awesome. Don’t ask how much it cost per meal, that wasn’t the point.
****No, we didn’t eat it all at once; we spread it out over months, as little rewards for good days or bad weeks.
