Dear Earthlings: Your Free Trial of Taylor Swift Expires Next Weekend

Please return by the appointed time with all the original packaging.

Clip from Taylor Swift’s performance of “Homecoming,” er, I mean “Me” at last year’s Billboard Music Awards.

The various heads of the President’s Security Council, chairpersons of Senate and House investigative committees, and ambassadors from around the world, all sit around the war room as interstellar linguist Dr. Framke Johannestein…