Fake Tropes I Really Hate
Don’t you just HATE it when you’re watching a television show and/or movie and they keep cracking the same jokes that everyone else uses over and over and over again? Or when a program has our heroes in an emotionally tense situation only to have the conflict resolved the way we all knew it was going to be resolved? Plot device overload much?
Well it’s time I said my peace that we know everyone is dying to hear. The following is a collection of fake tropes I really, REALLY hate.
Trampled By A Zebra: We’ve all probably heard of this one. It’s when the villain in a spy thriller is about to explain to the hero his master plan in full detail and, let’s say it together, he gets TRAMPLED BY A ZEBRA. I mean, why is there always a Zebra around that has direct access to the villain? And why does the Zebra always have a axe that is twice the length of its body? Yet we see this used over and over again.
The Clown Parade: This one is usually only seen in dramatic romance shows but occasionally pops up in a PBS indie documentary. Our two main characters lean in to kiss, their lips trembling in the anticipation of imminent tactile contact as a light rain begins to fall on a dimly lit cafe in Paris when, as expected, there’s a CLOWN PARADE.
The shocked would-be lovers, who seem to always be terrified of clowns, push each other to the ground as the impromptu parade trounces directly between them, crushing an ivory table that has 3 or more plates of spaghetti.
Every. Single. Time. 3 or more.
Dodgers Stadium: used extensively throughout the original Jurassic Park, the Jurassic Park/Saving Private Ryan crossover series and Jurassic Park 7: This Is A New Dinosaur We Created That The T-Rex Will Eventually Defeat. The main character(s) find a bleeding man in a forest or battlefield or abandoned supermarket who was recently wounded in a dinosaur and/or sniper attack. He’s about to die of his injuries and asks the person closest to him to “give my momma this letter” which is clutched to his blood soaked chest.
The man then dies, letting out an agonizing groan while the main character reads the letter out loud in a thick Irish accent. It always says something to the effect of “Remember the time you birthed me on the playing field of DODGERS STADIUM right in the middle of that game against the Sox? Man, that was truly awe inspiring. Go Dodgers!”
Come to think of it, they used this trope in all of the Die Hard movies too.
Slow Motion Taco Bowl Explosion: I can’t think of a single crime drama on TV in 2011 that didn’t use this Trope in at least one episode. Usually it occurs when an escaped felon takes hostages at a bank and the police have the building surrounded. The chief shows up on the scene and grabs a megaphone from the top of a clearly marked Postmates van which is always parked amidst the sea of cop cars like it accidentally got caught in the traffic jam created by the standoff. The chief tips his hat to the other officers, winks and then announces, “What are your demands, Frisco Pete?”
Then a tense few seconds pass, followed by the madman screaming through an open window, “Does the driver of that Postmates van happen to have a warm Taco Bowl I could eat while waiting for my soon-to-be-requested escape helicopter? I’m very hungry and won’t agree to anything until I eat that Taco Bowl!” The driver of the van reluctantly steps out with a warm Taco Bowl and raises a trembling gloved hand.
“Why, yes he does,” the police chief exclaims with a nauseating level of surprise. He instructs the driver to deliver the food to the front door of the bank while a swarm of officers draw their weapons and load them with bullets and rocket propelled grenades.
Then the robber madman guy opens the front door and begins to enjoy the Taco Bowl when someone off camera yells, “That Taco Bowl is loaded!” The camera quick zooms to the chief who imperceptibly mutters, “Oh peaches…” when the inevitable occurs. All of the guns start blazing in unison and the camera goes into a slow-mo shot of the criminal taking a bliss inducing bite of cheesy meat as a hail of projectiles absolutely demolish the bowl he is holding. The Taco carnage is off the charts at this point. Somehow, the criminal gets away on a bicycle.
And what song is playing? That’s right, a nightcore version of Peg by Steely Dan featuring Rihanna or Celine Dion or something.
Clichéd much?
