Fall in with Me, Stranger
Bartholomew was drunk when he fell in his cup. He spied a spider in the water, but it was just a reflection. He got too close to see and he fell right in. Good thing for Bart that his cup wasn’t gin. You can’t swim in gin, at least it’s not pleasant. And he was wading in his water, and he was surrounded by ice cubes. Yes, in his cup. He climbed up an ice cube and sat in its crevice, and dripping and cold now he considered this place. He was surrounded by white, the inside of plastic, and eight inches down he saw the bottom indented with a 6 surrounded by swirling arrows, a notice for patrons who care to recycle. The depth was so deep that it drew him too near, and he tilted his ice chair a little too far, and he found himself falling once more to the water, and God only knew if Bart would survive, and Bart didn’t know if he’d swim or would die, and water quite cold was what Bart was expecting, but a hot bathroom bathtub was what he emerged from.
Bart’s body was numb now. From heat or from cold? He jumped from the water for fear he’d re-enter. Re-enter, and then re-emerge somewhere else? What in God’s Holy Name was happening? Bart rubbed his head.
He slid with his back on the wall to the floor. The base of the sink he could see was disgusting. Thirty-one colors of bubblegum drying, some pieces so old they were dry as old bread.
Typical, now, thought Bart in his head. An inescapable truism locked in my head. Anything beautiful turns into gunk, and all that I knew turns out to be bunk. Now wait a minute. I heard something told. Something like, Get out of your bed and do something bold. Like, it means, if there’s something really bothering, do something to fix it.
Bart did. He took off his shoe, and grabbed it real tight, and he scraped off the gum. But the gum was stuck tight. And so was his shoe. His big toe poked out from a hole in his sock.
Typical, again, said Bart in his thoughts. Attempts to resolve this have made it all worse. Wait, back to the water. What the hell had just happened? Something unlikely for me to imagine. Why did I fall into my icy water? For that matter, why did I peer in too close? I always don’t ever look at all things too closely. If a thing looks like a thing, then it’s a thing and no other. Then again, I am drunk. But why in God’s name was my water then different? What other trite things could be more than they seem? My shoe? Well, it’s stuck. And I’d rather not stick too.
Bart rose up from the tile, with hands on the sink. He balanced between his shoe’d and sock’d feet. He looked up to the mirror, and caught his own eye.
Ha ha, well a mirror it looks and a mirror it seems, but as experience has it a mirror it’s not.
Bart peered closer and closer, and somewhat too fast, and knocked his big head and put a crack in the glass.
Ouch, maybe not, okay, so, a mirror it is.
Bart rubbed his head for the second time and considered this then. Some things are for real, and some things are not. How the hell do you tell? But something Else told him, How the hell do you not? And that was like a spark in his mind. Bart knew something new, a new kind of insight. He let his gaze drift on down to the sink, and he looked down the drain, and he started to think, with a concentration more great than he ever had before. Then he stopped the thinking. And he closed his eyes, and just as before, he fell, and he fell to the sink, and he fell to the drain, and he opened his eyes in time to see the darkness enclose him. And as he fell in, the bathroom door opened wide, and a girl walked in with her eyes open wide.
“Whoa man, how’d you do that, and where did you go?” But she got no reply, so he’d already gone. “I need an escape, like, right now, if I could. I can’t stand this shit party. Hello, can you hear me?”
She almost gave up, but a voice echoed out. “Fall in with me, stranger. My name is Bart.” Then a hand shot out from the drain through the dark.
The girl grinned and just took it, and he pulled her in, or she just fell in, for this girl knew how to fall with the best. And one moment the bathroom, next moment the darkness. This girl and Bart were alone in the darkness. The girl leaned in real close to Bart’s ear, which is harder than hell when there’s no light to tell. She whispered, “Do you know where this goes? I hope not the sewer. I hope not the sewer cause it’s filthy down there.”
He said, “From my experience…well, that’s a long story. But from my recent learning it could be anywhere.”
“What recent learning?”
“Well, that’s a long story. You’d better hold my hand, cause wherever we’re going we must go together. There’s really no guessing from what I can gather.”
“I don’t care where we’re going, I’m just glad that we’re gone. Like, did you like that party, or was it just full of schmucks? Wait…you’re the guy that fell into his cup!”
“Eheh, that was me, or I guess that it was, I thought this whole time that I might have been dreaming. But you’ve come along, and you grounded me down — not like an anchor, but more like a flower. By the way, what’s your name? Your voice sounds familiar. Your not Jezebel’s sister? Cause that’d be peculiar.”
“I’m not sisters to Jezzy, but I know her quite well, my name is — “ But before she could answer, they both again fell.
“Goddam, here we go!” cried Bart’s echo way down. The air of the drain ran around and around them. Good thing they held hands or they’d never be found.
Found where? Oh, right here! Here’s a bright white soft sky. And tumbling down is this girl and this guy. The landing was soft, which was quite unexpected, for miles around was a gentle brown land, and miles above was the gentle white sky, and centered above was a light like an eye. This land was soft, the girl ran her hands on it. She could see that up close it was sewn like a blanket. They took to their feet and strode down hand in hand, and a mountain appeared in the shape of a man. The mountain man’s nose and the mountain man’s toes were pointing straight up which meant he was sleeping.
“Let’s climb him! That mountain is calling our names. Don’t you like to go hiking?” the girl just said.
“I’m not one for adventure, which makes this whole thing ironic. But wherever you go then I guess I’ll go too.”
The girl looked down. “Bart, you’re missing a shoe.”
“It got stuck as I tried to clean gum off the sink. But forget it. Let’s go climb.”
As they approached this mountainous man — or this manuous mountain — the ground beneath them began to ripple and rumble.
“Oh shit,” said the girl.
“Shit’s right,” said the guy.
The mountain man’s body shifted before their own eyes. It began to roll over, and over, and over. The blanketed ground was pulling them further.
“How the hell do we get out of this gnarly shit? There’s no drain to fall down in or ice cube to sit.”
“Try this,” said the girl. She pushed Bart to the ground, and she laid down beside him. She pulled some loose ground and covered them both. The white sky was gone now, and now it was dark. They were lying together holding hands in the dark.
“Good thinking,” said Bart. “I’m glad you fell down the drain when I offered my hand.”
“Anything to get away from that awful party. Where are we now?”
“Well, let’s look around.”
They removed the dark cover and looked all around. Bookshelves on bookshelves that when on forever.
“Oh God, I hate reading,” said Bart to his friend.
“Well I quite enjoy it.” The girl then grinned. “There’s Finnegan’s Wake, I heard it’s insane. There’s Infinite Jest, a good paper weight. Fear and Loathing in Vegas. It’s a drug fueled road trip. There’s a book called The Book, and a book just called It. There’s Consider the Lobster, and And the Hippos Were Boiled in Their Tanks, and A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers.”
“What about this one?” Bart picked one out. “How does grey have any more shades than just one?”
“Why not find out? It could be fun.” The girl took the book and then opened it up, and they took hold of hands, and they fell right on in.
There’s a door now before them. Bart opened it up. But before it was open they heard something howling.
“Oh no, I hope this book’s not about dying cats.”
“No, no,” said the girl. And she opened the door.
“Oh my God,” said Bart, now peering within. “Is that ice cream he has? That’s not how you eat it. It’s going to melt!”
“Oh, Christian, who is that? Are those friends of yours?” A strange man and strange woman were “cuddling” inside.
“We’re sorry, we’re leaving,” said Bart blushing red.
“You two better leave or you’re gonna be dead.”
The girl with Bart now was laughing and snorting. The man, who was naked, began walking forward.
“Oh God,” cried Bart, now shielding his eyes.
“Come on, Bart,” said the girl, “you never seen one before?”
“Enough about me, let’s just shut the damn door!”
Too late. The man was just there at the door. He grabbed Bart’s shirt collar, and started to pull.
“Don’t take me in there, I don’t want to join!” Bart socked him a good one right in his sweet chin, and the nude man released him, and started to grin.
“Good God, Bart, he liked it, and I think he likes you!”
“Come on!” Bart bellowed, and grabbed the girl’s hand. “I knew we should have first made up a plan.”
They ran down the hallway, Bart frantically searching for something to fall in. “We’ll never get out. We’re stuck here forever. You and I will be tickled with feathers.”
“Bart, stop. Remember this simple notion. It doesn’t matter what you fall in, just go with the motions.” She found a door handle and opened it up. It was a closet with shelves. “It’s time to go up.”
The girl climbed up one shelf at a time, and Bart followed, saying, “Go faster, he’s coming.” The girl kept laughing, and Bart just felt nervous. “I don’t like the way that he’s looking at me.” But at last they were high enough not to be reached.
These shelves, they went up, and went up, and went up. They were climbing forever, but they only went up. There were socks in these shelves, and loose panties and jeans, and some t-shirts and parkas, and a ten-gallon hat. There were shoes too. Lots and lots of shoes.
“I wonder how long it’ll take us to finish,” the girl said looking at Bart down below.
“Probably never, I mean never we’ll reach it. Maybe you’re right. We just need to drop. I mean go with the motions, as you stated your notion. Come on, take my hand, and I’ll show you my plan.” And as soon as the two of them let it all go, they were falling, but upward, instead of below. The shelves, they flew faster and faster on by. But this girl, she reached outward, and risked her hand’s life. She eyed for the moment, and aimed with great care, and grabbed a loose shoe for Bart’s foot that was bare. She held onto it tightly, but he didn’t notice.
“A treat for the future, wherever we’re going.”
Then it was dark, and the shelves were all gone. They were floating in space, or not space, with no tension. Everything had seemed to proceed in a linear fashion — until they both ended up in an abstract dimension.
“Well, that was the oddest thing that I’ve ever witnessed. How we even got out I feel is not really my business. Are you okay? You didn’t look great back there. As I recall you were with me and then disappeared. While you were gone I kept thinking and thinking of time, how it’s here but not here but quite real in our minds. How the past isn’t real even though we recall it, and the future’s not real even though we prepare it. And all that we have is right now, and right here, and that’s it; and to think otherwise is just stupid as shit.”
“I agree with you, Bart, even though I was gone. But in fact I was with you the whole time. I was everywhere, and nowhere, and…Bart, I was you.”
“You were me? What’s that mean? And, like, what are you now?”
“I am me. You know me. It’s been me all along. Let’s forget about that, I have something to show you.” She looked down at her hand to give Bart his new shoe. And it was no longer a shoe. “God, Bart, I had this perfect gift, but now I feel silly. I had found you a shoe, but it turned to a lily. A stargazer lily. It’s one of my favorites. It’s not a new shoe, but I hope it will do.”
“Ah, who the hell needs a shoe, what good did it ever do? By the way,” said Bart, gazing deep in her eyes, “what’s your name? You never did tell me.”
“Huh. I guess I never did tell you my name after all. My name is Autumn. But just call me Fall.”
