Fear and Loathing and American Ugly

“What seest thou, Jeremiah?” — Jeremiah 24:3 KJV

This weekend I moved to the Upper West side, my short film — American Ugly — was screened on the Lower East side, and eighty-four Americans had their bodies torn apart in El Paso and Dayton.

A filmmaker who is beloved of my soul told me to record my thoughts on the screening of my film so I could revisit them later.

What seest thou, Jeremiah?
Love creates. Cinema reveals.

About two-thirds of the way through the movie, I felt the hearts and minds of the audience absorbed into the story, and I thought how marvelous was divine cinema. I understood something I had merely known before, and I felt that I was experiencing the most holy fulfillment of life.

Whenever I am doing the Lord’s work, I wear a black suit and black tie. Two people at the screening asked me if I was going to a funeral. When Johnny Cash was asked this question he said: “maybe I am.”

So, like the prophet, I said: “maybe I am.”

Sixty Americans were shot in Chicago this weekend, so I won’t be the only one going to church in a black suit.

What seest thou, Jeremiah?
Cinema is holiness unto the Lord.

Blame and fear and angry hate will drive people to treat their symptoms, not the cause.

The gangrene will fester.

Jeremiah once told Israel that God commanded them to serve the king of Babylon. They refused to give up their nation, but Israel was already lost.

“There is no wisdom, nor understanding, nor counsel against the judgment of God’s hand.” — Solomon/Bob Dylan

What seest thou, Jeremiah?
Cinema is the Lord who healeth thee.

The hour is late. Change must come. Direct it. As soon as possible, by any means, I must make a feature film.

Two hundred and fifty American mass shootings in 2019 alone — why?

The reason is that our storytellers have failed. They have lost the war. Hatred defeated Love by controlling the narrative.

There is no hope in Congress or candidates. Empty ballots and bloated bills.

O LORD, how long shall I cry, and thou wilt not hear! Even cry out unto thee of violence, and thou wilt not save?

Jeremiah offered hope in repentance. He called for Messiah — salvation. I do not share that vision, only lamentations.

Christ will find no righteousness here.

There is less virtue in America than in Babylon.

In her church.
Her government.
Her idols.

If there is any hope, it lies in Cinema.
In God’s love.
Revealed.

What seest thou, Jeremiah?

A filmmaker who is beloved of my soul told me to record my thoughts on the screening of my film so I could revisit them later.

My name is John Matthew Gillen.
I make movies.
Love written in light.
And I see a darkness.