Finding My Organised Rebellion

A few weeks back, I had an extremely difficult week at work, I finished 9 pitches that week. There was a concert weekend coming up, and half of the city was going for it. It was there, when somewhere in the middle of the cloud of confetti, and neon lights, glitters, and Sean Paul’s performance, I felt my spirit dive into a low. Strange place to feel it? However it did happen. It was’nt sadness, or happiness, melancholy, or ecstasy. I was immune. I felt like I was untouched by anything in my surroundings, trapped within the sequence of my own thoughts, and I could’nt connect the dots.

It was a scary feeling, I have no idea why it happened. All I knew was, I had to make a way out of it. So after another 12 hours of battling with myself, I finally gave in, and asked myself the most natural question, “What’s wrong?”

I can’t talk about the entire conversation, but I can tell you about a memory which resonated with this moment, and helped me to step out.

I got my first guitar in my eight grade, and we were inseparable. We often rehearsed during school hours, and it went on to the extent where sometimes I skipped classes to rehearse. We had a very large school premises, tracking students could get impossible — and considering this time, it was me in the hiding. So in my 11th grade, me and a group of seniors from school were rehearsing in the chapel, when I heard voices from the staircase. We quickly hid behind the high altar, and I slid my guitar behind the benches (you could’nt miss it, it was a white Ibanez!). Once the teachers left the chapel, we

slid past the back gate of the room, carefully climbed down the wooden staircase, reached the end of kindergarten classrooms, then laughed at our frantic pulses, and dispersed for our classes. That was a smooth transition! This had happened multiple times, no one ever caught us (If anyone from school is reading this, well, it’s too late to catch me now).

All throughout this time, my pulses were racing with excitement. I think somewhere, Avril Lavigne and Hayley Williams still breath under my skin. Being the rebel that I was, I was gonna do it nonetheless. However, as the excitement began to subside, I started to feel a certain sense of guilt. I began to think that I should’nt have done what I did, knowing that I was also running for school elections. I had a sense of responsibility for holding my position. So here’s what I did, after I won, I built an exclusive club for the musicians from schools — which made us all free to practice during school hours. You see, as I said, I will get it nonetheless. That teenager in me, found an organised rebellion.

Coming back to my present, here’s what I wrote to myself:

Pullover for a second, I’ll let you see through a fall, one gain gambled, does’nt count for it all.

Walk back in course, you can tell of tales, of novelties, losses, and wins which gracefully fade.

All of our ambitions are placed on steep slopes, releases relations, and locked up hopes.

If you’re up in the night, to seek your third last fill, make sure you write one which sizes up to your own bill.

Seek not in the preamble of the your history, write a script which creates jazz to resonate with the future’s mystery.

Unspoken beginnings do not have earlier citations, life is mostly sudden, with both endings, and creations.

However, hold on still, to certain precious commodities, whether that’s pink wine and steaks or sunshine memories.

A cascade of memory, a casket of power, makes way for humans for things they devour.

Introspection and constant re-evaluation can be maddening — what have I done, where am I going?

Get the single malt scotch, or play some Tom Misch, find situations which have more to give.

Accept love, it has its smells, and sounds, so if you listen, closely, you will be found.

For every place having opinion there will be a difference of opinion, however is’nt that a better place than to stand in oblivion?

Souls in unrest, with a facade which is serene, finding an organised rebellion is yet to deem.

Trust love, it’s like the different white and sharp notes of a piano, it will take you to the high, and also rest in hallow.

Make your rhythm, this is an insistence, the universal truth behind the racing man is his consistence.

Find things you prefer, or create what you would choose, remember the story, but chase the truth.