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pieces of a heart — part one of three

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

I didn’t know you’d break me.

I didn’t know I was capable of being 
 broken any longer,
 because I didn’t think enough

to attempt making a thing
resembling human again.

I didn’t know that I shouldn’t 
 believe in knights,
 because every time I tried stopping
 I’d fall asleep 
and you’d keep showing up.

Not with a sword, 
 but a harness full of words
 that both liberated and enslaved me.

Maybe I wanted enslavement.
Maybe I’ve outdrawn one too many.

Maybe love is the cold 
 and the broken 

Maybe when I begged and pleaded 
 for kindness
 you felt I needed something harsher.

Maybe my honesty 
 was too much for you,
 and that’s why you kept trying 
 to convince me
it meant deceit.

That I couldn’t trust 
 my own 
thoughts and feelings.

That they were false, 
 and what I needed
 was to listen 
to what you deemed best.

Maybe I fell for your shock value.
For the ways you drew out mine.

I didn’t know there are wrong ways
 to love someone, 
 but I should have.

Should have knowns 
 don’t save anyone at all.
Should have knowns are weak.

I knew it was wrong.
 That we were wrong,
 and yet sometimes…

 broken-down hallelujahs
 is all you have left, 
when you’ve been broken


it’s the only thing
 you can remember how to do.

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