Hand in Hand
Once upon a time lived a man. There also lived a woman. There also lived almost eight billion other people.
That is a lot of people, said the man to the woman, as he squeezed her hand.
I agree, said the woman. I think we should do something about that.
I agree, said the man.
They were that kind of man and woman. They agreed on lots of things.
Shall you buy the semtex or shall I? she said.
Let me do it dear, he said.
Actually, dear, I’ve just thought of a better idea, said the woman. Let us go together to the arms manufacturer, for some weapons-grade nuclear material. It is nearing June, and they ought to have their products on sale.
Great idea, agreed the man. Let’s do that.
They walked hand in hand to the weapons manufacturer. It was not far, and the day was bright and sunny. There, they admired the samples arrayed along the weapon manufacturer’s storeroom wall.
I like the look of that stuff, said the woman to the weapons manufacturer. He showed her the sample of the uranium she had pointed to.
That one is not weapons-grade, he said, but it is on sale, and is the best in our stock.
The weapons manufacturer nudged the man. Your wife, he said, she has great taste, eh?
The man regarded him coolly. She is not my wife, he said. She is my woman, and I am her man.
The weapons manufacturer began a stuttering apology before the man cut him off. We’ll take all of that uranium that you have in stock, he said.
Certainly sir, said the weapons manufacturer. Right away.
And just like that, the man and the woman were off home, hand in hand and with a great big bag of near-weapons-grade uranium.
Later, much later, they were ready to press the trigger on their weapon. There had been hiccups along the way, not to mention some pretty complex science stuff, but the story loses nothing in the omission of all that. Suffice to say, the man was by now weak and deathly pale, and terminally ill; the woman had suffered the loss of her left leg and arm, and was in fact disfigured all along her sinister side.
They stood together, hand in hand, one more time. They placed their intertwined hands upon the nuclear trigger and said, Goodbye cruel world.
