Joe Biden VP Conspiracy Theories

By Justin Borak

With Joe Biden’s Vice President hype video gone viral, it has the world theorizing who “she: will be. With the pandemic, the evil and terrible treatment of BIPOC people in our country, and the constant hate speech spewed by so many people of power in DC and otherwise, the current political climate is heated and a decision like this holds a lot of weight and be a huge part of a voter’s decision in the upcoming election.

Of course, Twitter has run wild with so many conspiracy theories on who the VP candidate could be so here are some of the best we could find.

1. Miss Piggy — With the recent release of the hit Disney+ show, Muppets Now, Miss Piggy is a hot name. MP on the ticket guarantees Biden the Animal vote as well as the muppet/puppet vote across these 50 states which is a constantly undervalued group of voters that doesn't get the respect they deserve because technically, “they can’t legally vote”. Bringing Miss Piggy onto the Biden team could be a great strategical move, aligning their administration with the most powerful government sector in our country, Disney.
2. Rachel Ray — While watching the Joe Biden official video, and news coverage one of the hottest ads to come beforehand is the Rachel Ray advertisement for her Dog Food, Nutrish. Is this a random advertisement or is that just too much of a coincidence? Think about it, Biden was born in Scranton, PA, and Ray has probably watched The Office. If it wasn’t obvious before, it must be now. The subtle hint from the Biden team was a great easter egg but was found out and we couldn't be more excited for a possible Biden/Ray ticket. Hopefully, they run on a platform of decreasing our country’s carbon footprint, decreasing military and police spending, and a basic chicken parmesan recipe.
3. Any Teenage Youtuber or Star of Riverdale — Biden is obviously struggling to get the young vote. While most liberals are excited for the opportunity to get Trump out of office, a large percentage of young democrats did not have Biden as one of their options. A solid move could be to change the law of age for VP and bring in a young actress or female youtube. While the experience will be on the lesser side, the following they bring of young ineligible voters and loyal simps could be helpful for the Biden team. If the parents of these followers are willing to drop hundreds on god-awful merch, they might be willing to swap their votes just to satisfy their kids.
4. Michelle Obama, Beyonce, Kamala Harris, Oprah — While this article is just satirical, here are some actual options. Biden, no one is all that excited for you so please bring in a brilliant BIPOC to help you save this broken country. Don’t fuck this up.