Majik Eggs
Bizarre life-lessons, as taught by a lonely caterpillar.
A caterpillar crawled across Majik’s face.
Sudden. Like a random thought. One that takes you by surprise with an instant rush of worry and panic. Majik stood up quickly, careful in reattaching his wig.
Startled — breathless and white — he watched as the guilty caterpillar casually crawled across the sand. He checked his hairpiece for any damage before re-clipping the brace to the back of his collar. He was a stickler for perfection. Besides, it had cost him 20 empty milk bottles from the good folk on the lower west side. 20 bottles. Pricey. The life of a caterpillar. Nothing.
Majik followed the creature across the arid plains. Something about the horror of his experience drew him closer to it. Plus today was hot, far too hot to ponder, and so (with instinct as his guide) he knelt down and attempted to mimic the caterpillar’s movement for himself.
Stomach flat. Butt in the air. Push forward with the knees. Breathe. Repeat.
The caterpillar was fascinating. It had as many eyes as it did legs and as many colours as Majik had milk bottles. Almost immediately he swore that he felt a distinct connection between them. Spiritually, he had touched an intersection of being, where their lives both felt concurrent. Circular.
Majik quickly interpreted it all. He knew that both were but working cogs turning within a mechanical existence, there was no need for fear. Amidst his deathly paranoia, Majik had finally found some purpose through a caterpillar’s lonely life. They were one.
But then something inexplicable happened. The caterpillar turned to Majik, looking at him with his many, many eyes, seemingly staring deep into his soul. All focused, all alien, all demanding. Majik’s utmost attention had certainly been provoked.
The caterpillar then ‘stood’ up and shook his head repeatedly at Majik who lay chest on the floor, rear to the skies.
“Eggs,” the caterpillar said as it crawled up Majik’s nose.
Majik panicked. Flipping on his side like a fish, he realised his arms had merged onto his torso, and that his legs had conjoined into just one large multi-toed limb. Just like a caterpillar.
“Eggs.”
He could not get this word out of his mind. The caterpillar crawled under the skin of his forehead. It seemed too be searching for something. Was it looking for something caterpillars always seek out, something people just didn’t have an inkling about?
Majik squirmed, trying to keep on the correct side of calmed panic. He furiously tried to think, about what he wasn’t sure. Perhaps he could remember some useless titbit of information that would help. Some stored wisdom he had previously stored as garbage? Anything to redirect the caterpillar out of his face and into somewhere less appalling.
But no, all became futile and so something even more ghastly occured.
Majik could feel as the caterpillar tugged his precious wig through a small pore on his scalp, back through his nasal cavity and out his nose, emerging from his nostril and crawling off with it.
Majik began to lose his mind. “What do caterpillars need with wigs?” he asked to himself. “Why couldn’t it just take the thing straight off my head?”
Angered, Majik stood upright. Difficult like being wrapped in sellofane, he shouted.
“Why my wig, dear caterpillar! it cost me 20 fine milk bottles. will I be reimbursed?”
The caterpillar looked back at Majik and in his peculiar voice shouted:
“Eggs!”
The caterpillar then threw a large milk bottle, maybe the size of 20 regular ones at Majik, cracking open his skull like an egg.
“Eggs...” the caterpillar said again.
Majik again stood up and tried to balance as best he could.
“You little twerp. If only I could… you’d be, you’d be…”
“Eggs…” the caterpillar said and slid over a fragment of the broken milk bottle.
Majik looked down at it and caught his reflection. The was no blood, No gross disfiguration. No worries. Because on his head lay dozens of brightly coloured caterpillars. Caterpillars like hair, hair like he had always wanted. Caterpillars exactly like this one stood before him.
“Eggs,” Majik said to himself, smiling.
“Eggs.”
