My Body is Mine
For the first time ever
I silently said to myself
“My body is mine”
As I touched my thighs
Caressed my arms
After decades spent
Disordered eating
Following harsh rules
Basing my self-worth on the size of my jeans
Because I’ve been led to believe
That I’m only worthy if I’m a size zero
Like a religion
I’ve lived my life this way
Meal by meal
Measurement by measurement
Ensuring I’m enough for someone else
Absorbing messages from the world around me
Especially from men
Who notice my body
Comment like I’m a figurine
And want to take
But don’t want to see deeper
I am no longer hiding
I’ve been crying inside
For lost time
Lost loves
Lost friends
My heart is bursting
I’m banging on noise proof walls
Begging to get out
To stop believing the lies
That my body is an indicator of my lovability
Because it’s not
To stop chasing perfection
To choose to be me
All of me
I’m taking back my body
I am the gatekeeper