Netflix’s Best New Projects You’ll Feel Obligated to Watch
Written By: Justin Borak
Chicago, IL — When the founders of Netflix, Daddy Reed Hastings and Papa Marc Randolph, said they would give me a tour of their headquarters if I came to their island, Little Flordia, it felt like an offer I couldn’t refuse.
As we ran out of the building with the cast of Fuller House led by a machete-wielding DJ Tanner in hot pursuit, we found ourselves with the documents everyone wanted: The four upcoming projects guaranteed to be poorly reviewed by most, but will make you feel like you need to watch it or you’ll be missing out.
1.) Soft Knocks: The Chilling Story Behind the Puppy Bowl — Release: 2021
a. Summary: Every February, millions of families and friends throw parties to watch the biggest sporting event of the year, The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. In this true crime series, follow Ellen DeGeneres as she journeys into the beast of steroids, love and loss, and murder in this peak behind the curtain of the Nation’s most coveted event.
2.) Weekend Mass — Release: 2021
a. Summary: A “Big-Brother”-like reality show hosted by the ghost of Bob Barker following the love and passion between the priests, nuns, and altar boys at Big Tithe Catholic Church based in an undisclosed location in Mississippi. Who will find the one and who will be left without a sip of wine in their goblet? Find out on the first and only season of Weekend Mass (and the season will end in a medium to large scale FBI raid of the church).
3.) TI-24 — Release: 2021
a. Summary: After a major break in at the local calculator factory, famed and retired counter-terrorist agent, Jack Bauer, gets off his couch and crosses the yellow tape one more time. While investigating, Bauer realizes a lot of what the evidence is showing isn’t ADDING up the way it should and this whole case might be more than just “solving for X.” The New York Times called it “Unnecessary” and the Washington Post asked, “Is Keifer attached to this? He isn’t, right? Why taint Jack Bauer for this weird calculator commercial.”
4.) I’m Fine, I Swear: A Night of Spooky Stories with Hilary Clinton — Release: 2021
a. Summary: Shot in a half-filled Madison Square Garden, listen and watch Hilary Clinton tell spooky stories from her past with just a stool and flashlight. Hear her reminisce of the conversations with Bill about when he would finally endorse her, the Pokemon Go scandal, the telling tale of her three debates with the quietly stalking Donald Trump alongside real-time reenactments starring an excited Kate McKinnon and a tired Alec Baldwin phoning it in.
5.) Bad Boys Run at Night — Release: 2020 (Cancellation: 2020)
a. Summary: Set in Chicago during the Black Lives Matter protests, the story is told through a different lens. Following Abigail White, a 52 year-old white woman who lives in the nicest apartment downtown. As she hosts the most exclusive board game night for her college friends from Dartmouth, interruptions come from the window of people “protesting” to “stop police brutality” and “make the world a better place”. Who will win Chutes and Ladders? Find out in this upcoming show, starring J.K. Rowling and Rosie O’Donnell.
