Once upon a time there lived a beautiful maiden — ME!
And the time once uponed was NOW y’all!
My name is Pepperella, rightful heir to the throne of Labradonia, a gloriously magical kingdom 15 miles south of Tulsa.
My mom, her royal majesty, the remarkably sublime Queen Barbarella-Mozzerella-Gulden o’ Muster the Third CPA M.Ed., along with help from my dad, Curt, birft me two years ago.
In a remarkable twist of danish, I was stripped from my place of privilege after being mistaken for an orphan bearing my resemblance during our village square’s 71st Annual Let’s Earnestly Reconsider This Inexplicable Puppy Shuffle Festival.
Long story short: I wound up in an adoption center in Aurora, Illinois.
I now live with The Man, The Lady and The Maliciously Malevolent Twisted Sisters (triplet tweenies who torment me for being born so darn gorgeous).
The Sisters are soooo jealous of my dazzling vivaciousness, they constantly attempt to plumpify me with yummy snack treats.
And their sinister plan is working.
I mean, check out the bongos in this terribly unflattering outdoor selfie:
Woof! Betcha had to back up, didn’t ya?
But I can’t help myself. When the Pall New Man calls out to me with those steely blue eyes and peanut buttery lip smackers…let’s just say I’m a sucker for charitable causes.
Curse you, Diabolical Daughters Delivering Delicious Delectables!
Oopsie — please forgive me while I check this text.
I SHALL NEVER SEE HOME AGAIN!!!