Sorry to be the one to tell you this…

D.C. Maloney
The Junction
Published in
2 min readJul 9, 2019
Illustration by D.C. Maloney

Man, this is gonna be rough. Are you sitting down? I hope so. I would want to be, if I were you.

Here’s the thing… You’re the only one in the world who watches porn. Yes, you — the person reading this. It’s just you.

The people who leave weird comments on all the videos? Bots. The people who go to the Adult film expo in Vegas every year? Paid actors. All that infrastructure in place, just in case you happen to click on any given video, or actually go to one of those god-awful conventions.

Remember back when you heard on the news that every day, one-third of internet traffic is made up of people going on porn sites? Remember how it didn’t seem all that surprising to you? Well guess where that stat came from. That’s right, your browsing history.

No, no, Incognito mode does work- just not on your computer.

Also, you should know that there’s a whole other Internet that we all use instead, and it doesn’t have any porn whatsoever- you can get so much done, it’s awesome. In fact, the only even remotely perverted thing on our Internet is a collection of thousands, yes, thousands of roughly 2 minute-long videos of you masturbating to the stuff on your side of the Internet.

Anyway, I figured it would be better to just tell you. You’re also the only person on social media, by the way. The rest of us are busy either actually working when we’re at work, or spending our free time on meaningful hobbies that we enjoy.

--

--

D.C. Maloney
The Junction

If you’re going to burn a bridge, make sure you cross it first.