The First-Ever Cryptic Crossword Puzzle
The following is a long-lost excerpt from an unknown issue of a widely-circulated U.K. newspaper. It is estimated to have been published sometime in the late 1930's.
Dear beloved reader,
On this page, you’ll find a new part of our publication’s Puzzle section that we’ve dubbed the ‘cryptic crossword’. Now, I know what you’re thinking- ‘Wait a minute, isn’t there already a crossword puzzle in every issue?’ Yes, don’t worry, it’s not going anywhere- that’s the real one. The one with understandable clues, and solutions that make sense.
The cryptic crossword, by contrast, won’t have either of those. Every week we’re going to put it in the paper, right next to the real one, and all you have to do is fill in the boxes with whatever word fits- don’t worry, the less sense your answers make, the better. So, for instance, we’ll put in a clue like ‘Journalist spotted cutting blade (7)’ which you might answer with, say, ‘hacksaw’.
See? Complete nonsense.
Now, you may find some onlookers will ask you how you know the answers, so be sure to tell them something vague, like “Oh, it takes a certain kind of lateral thinking, if you know what I mean,” and then wink at them. This should unnerve them immediately and they’ll stop asking questions.
The cryptic crossword will confound and frustrate young people for generations to come- and we alone, the aptly-named Silent Generation, shall know its true nature. It’s going to be a hoot. Future issues, of course, will not feature this message, so if you would kindly burn your copy of this week’s paper and act natural from now on, that would be swell.
Good luck, have fun, and remember: don’t tell anyone born after 1946.
Sincerely,
John A. Crofton
Editor-in-Chief
