FICTION
The Janus Twins
A short story
I got into my SUV and turned on the engine. The familiar drone drowned out my musings as I began steering the wheel, heading nowhere in particular.
“It’s really not okay to waste fuel just to soothe your mind, you know? There are people who’ll probably utilize it better. I mean, we aren’t exactly rich — ”
“Oh, stop it! I’ll try my best to keep it short. You know I’ve been trying very hard, right?”
“Why do you want my acceptance? You know what you’ve been doing; you know what’s right and wrong.”
“Ughh” I mumbled.
I knew she was right. Of course, she was. Why would she lie to me? We were allies; diametrically opposite minds made to coexist. We watched each other’s backs as we wanted the same things, but were we friends — no! Far from it. We have taken pleasure in serving each other copious portions of bitter truths over the years, having spent umpteen evenings bickering the lights out, asking the other to comply with one’s way of seeing things.
“I would really appreciate it if you could at least try and help me get out of this mess.”
“Lakshmi, I’ve told you this many many times: self-help is the best help!”
“You’re just lazy, aren’t you? You won’t do a single thing if it won’t benefit you somehow!”
“That’s a little harsh… I just gave up my morning schedule to accompany you, so…”
“Who asked you to do that?”
“You know I can’t get out of it.”
I smirked.
“Enough with the smugness already! Where are we off to, anyway?”
“Umm… the orphanage,” I said, my mind made up all of a sudden.
“Are you sure? It’s only been a few months… I think it’s better to go back, and I can happily work out the details of my next portrait. I’m pretty sure a lot of your clients are awaiting their financial analyses as well. Let’s go home, Sita!”
“I’m fine Lakshmi, I really am. I may not be able to explain why, exactly, but I think this is the right thing to do.”
“Are you telling me that you’ve moved on? Already?”
I closed my eyes and tried to think of happy thoughts. “I probably won’t ever be the same again, but I think I need to start writing a new chapter of my life,” I gushed out, eyes brimming with moisture.
“ I see you breaking apart every time you look at his photo, and it shatters me as well. But I want you to be completely in control of yourself before you try something like this. You and I both know I’m no help with children.”
“That’s true,” I chuckled uneasily. A surge of memories left me gasping for breath. Flashes of my husband, smiling as he embraced me on our second wedding anniversary, his warm brown eyes gleaming in the sunlight after he left a soft kiss on my baby bump, our family doctor smiling as he informed us that our little bundle of joy was arriving in four short months — and then the horror — the news flash on that fateful stormy night — the sadness, the grief — and then the loss of my unborn child, my vain attempt to escape life, weeks of bed rest … All crossed my mind, leaving me clutching Lakshmi for support.
We held each other, as we did often these days, trying to overcome the similar horrors of our past.
“Sita, we’ve got to pull ourselves together, you hear me?”
“Yes, I hear you.”
“Do you want to go? To the orphanage, I mean. Are you absolutely sure?”
“Yes,” I said, firmness creeping into my voice for the first time. “I know my life will probably be nothing like what I’d planned for myself, but I’ve got to try — for him, for my parents, for his. But mainly for myself. I want to shower my love on those who don’t have any. I will cherish every day with double the vigor — for me, and for him. Perhaps I can work there part-time…teach painting maybe?”
“Well, if it means anything, I’ll be there by your side always,” said Lakshmi, with a small smile.
“Oh, I know. Now, off we go!” said I, with a hearty chuckle.
And then Sitalakshmi drove off with renewed enthusiasm into the mountainous path where her new life lay waiting.
