The Mummies of El Toro (finale)
WHEN I FINALLY opened my eyes, I was being dragged along the dirt. A combination of harsh dirt and tiny rocks was scratching my back through hundreds of holes that had been torn through my pajamas. I looked upward, and in the purple light, I could tell that the mummy that had crushed my leg had burst both of its arms and legs out of the wrappings, and was dragging me away. I could feel its bony hand wrapped around my broken leg, and suddenly the pain hit me so hard that I screamed over and over again, until it felt like I had the worst sore throat of all time. The mummy’s head slowly looked back toward me, then looked forward and continued dragging me farther and farther, into the depths of the purple glowing cave. I tried my darndest to wiggle free, but it was no use. That dead walking mummy had the strongest bony hands you could imagine. It was as if someone had poured cement over the mummy’s hands, and we would be stuck together for all eternity. After a few minutes of the pain, I blacked out.
SHHH!! That was the sound that woke me up. I was still being dragged, I could feel the bleeding cuts along my back, and my broken leg was as painful as ever. I looked behind me and saw Jerry and Chandler following close behind. Chandler was carrying something in both of his hands, but I could not tell what it was. I kept staring at Chandler’s hands, and they were silver and shiny, like a couple of tiny metal bowling balls.
“Now!” yelled Jerry. The mummy let go of both of my feet at the same time, letting them plop onto the ground with a heartless thud. The mummy’s crusty old dead head slowly turned around. I saw Chandler turn his body to the side, while moving his right shoulder and arm behind him. Then he flung his right arm forward, and I saw the shiny silver object come flying out of his hand, straight toward the mummy’s head. The shiny object flew right over my head, and in the purple light of the cave, I saw what it was. A beautiful, smooth can of Cactus Cooler. Chandler threw that baby so fast that it looked like a perfect spiral flying out of Tom Brady’s hand on Super Bowl Sunday.
That big dumb mummy just sat there and stared at the can, as it inched closer and closer toward its forehead. Then, THONK! When the can hit the mummy squarely between the eyes, I saw its knees wobble, while its head was shaking a little bit at the top of its neck.
“AGAIN!” screamed Jerry. Chandler reloaded the second can into his right hand and let that baby rip. Another perfect spiral, this time smashing straight into the mummy’s throat. That second can dropped to the ground, crashed into a sharp rock, and started spraying Cactus Cooler all over the place. The orange stream of soda flew up toward the sky, mixing with the purple light, turning the cave into a funky dance party. The mummy immediately grabbed at its neck with both hands, as if it were choking on a chicken bone at a restaurant. Then it dropped to its knees, and fell face first into the dirt. A small puff of dust created a dirty halo around its head.
Apparently mummies have pretty good hearing, because all of this commotion woke up the rest of the gang. One mummy after another started to slowly stand up and stare at us, as if we were three monkeys in a cage at the zoo.
“Help me up, guys,” I said, even though I knew that I was in no condition to walk.
“Your walking days are over for a while buddy. Chandler, stand him up and help me throw him over my shoulder. Don’t worry guys, I know just what to do. My dad lets me watch old war movies, and this is how they get wounded soldiers off the battlefield,” said Jerry.
The two of them picked me up and flung me over Jerry’s right shoulder like an old sack of potatoes, and we were off. Chandler ran ahead of us toward the opening of the cave, to lead the way. Jerry was running close behind, and every time he took a step his shoulder would jab right into my stomach, making me feel like I would throw up any second.
One of the mummies was a short little guy, and boy was he quick. His stubby little legs were moving back and forth so fast, that I was afraid his wrappings would catch on fire. He was gaining on me and Jerry, getting closer and closer, until he reached out and grabbed a hold of my hair with his fingers. I hit his stiff hand and managed to break loose. He had a thick clump of my hair in his fist, and he kept running straight after us. I balled my hand up into a fist and swung at his head.
He quickly moved out of the way, and shot an evil grin at me with his dead mouth. I motioned for him to come closer, like I was going to tell him a funny joke or something. As soon as he got right up behind us, I took both of my thumbs and jabbed them into his dead eyes. The inside of his skull felt like warm chocolate pudding, and I knew that I had hurt him real bad. The little guy fell onto the dirt and grabbed at his eyes, squirming on the ground like a dying lizard.
Jerry and Chandler just kept running, and before I knew it, we were out of the cave and into the fresh air of the El Toro field. I could see our tree hut in the distance, and with each step, we were getting closer and closer. I looked back, and saw a cluster of mummies standing at the opening to the cave. They all stood there upright, like a row of perfectly straight bowling pins. Then one by one, they turned around and walked back into their dirty purple cave.
* * *
And that’s what happened in the field by my house in El Toro during summer vacation in 1988. Jerry, Chandler and I eventually decided that the mummies would be our little secret. When I got home that next morning, I made up a story about how I had broken my leg when I fell from the second floor of the tree hut in the middle of the night when I had tried to take a pee onto the ground below and lost my balance.
But the next night when I was lying in bed with my broken leg propped up on a pillow, my dad asked me what had really happened in that field.
“Well dad, all I can tell you is that the world is a scary place, but when you’ve got good buddies, you can handle whatever comes your way.”
© J.S. Lender 2020
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