The Real Car Talk: Confessions of a Slutty Toyota Scion

Part 3

Una flirting with the Del Ray Beach locals to get the downlo on horny car hotspots. Photo: The author.

Una’s Big Reveal

Find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Dusk is coming on by the time we slide into Del Ray Beach. It’s a Friday and of course Una’s got plans aplenty for doing Del Ray after dark. Having strategically iMapped the territory like a Hummer in heat, she’s targeted the best hookup clubs. Una cheerily reels them off.

“Ignition, Overdrive, Xenon, Hatchback’s, Tranny’s.” That was the shortlist.

Whoa! Sounds like you got a long night ahead of you, girlfriend. No running on empty now.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. The Super Premium Smoothies at Stow ‘n Go are the bomb. And you know what?”

Checking the rearview, I shake my head. No, what?

“I’ll have them add in some Hotwheels Hyperoctane. Roll until morning on that stuff. Makes you feel like you’ve got all wheel drive.”

Saweet. My eyes were on the road and my hands on the wheel. But my ears heard the door locks toggling off and on. The sounds of Una stroking herself, thinking about the fun to come.

If Una possessed one thing, it was her sex drive. Which I could totally appreciate being that in car years Miss Scion xA and I were about the same age. Though her great condition made her look like a babe, turns out she had her secrets. In fact, just before we arrived in Del Ray Beach, while refueling at Raceway, she dropped one so big that I nearly dropped the nozzle when I heard it.

“You know I was married once, way back, to a suped up ‘02 Pontiac Sunfire. I was fresh off the lot but he’d sure been around the track. We met at a repo auction up north and fell for each other instantly. So we got hitched and sped out of town.”

Wow, Una, you wild child you!

“Everything was incredible until he developed a serious emissions problem. It must have been a burnt out valve because whenever we started foreplay his system malfunction light went on.” She paused as I replaced her gas cap, her mind caught in reverse.

“I wanted him to get a diagnostic,” Una continued. He kept insisting he was fine— his mechanic never found anything seriously wrong. But whenever we were alone it was another story. A tragedy because he had such great junk in his trunk.”

Una sighed heavily as her windshield misted. She quickly wipered it dry.

“The fact that I caught him wanking off over the foreign imports on Craig’s List while inflating his tires didn’t help either. I would wake up in the middle of the night hearing clicking noises to see his directional lever going up and down, up and down.

“Yikes, Una. That must’ve sucked big time.

“It got worse. He couldn’t enjoy sex with me unless he was flipping through the Pennysaver, checking out the RV’s seeking indoor recreation. Game over.”

So you ended it then?

“Took forever. His attorney tried to declare it a no fault and have it annulled. I said no way and finally divorced him under the state Lemon Law.”

Well, you certainly moved on with your life, eh, babe. Bravo! So what do you think ever became of your ex?

“Not long after that I heard he was sold for parts. Except the burnt out valve one. That got tossed…. And there was one other part that, uh, kinda disappeared.”

Really! Which?

“His fucking directional lever. It had been broken clean off at the base. They finally found it stuffed up his tail pipe. Well duh.”

We both laugh as Ed Sheeran’s “The Shape of You” serenades us over the retrofit music thingy. The sexy tune provides the perfect segue for Una xxxA Scion’s next move — suiting up for slutdom. Off we head to the far side of town.

Will Una dominate the Del Ray club scene? One can only hope.

Missed Part 2? It’s here.

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