The Soylent Green Recipe Book
In case the news has eluded you somehow, Soylent Green is [spoiler] people! But before Charlton Heston stumbles — quite literally — upon the truth in the 1973 science-fiction film of the same name, Soylent Green is believed to be a plankton-based food product. (Whether or not you find plankton more appetizing than cannibalism is a matter of taste, I suppose.)
Let me explain. The year is 2022 — which was the purview of speculative science-fiction in 1973 but is merely the graduating class of the next gaggle of Buzzfeed writers today. (Either way, it’s dystopian af, amirite?) Apparently prognosticators in the mid-20th century foresaw an implausible future of environmental disaster, overpopulation, and food scarcity. This is the world Richard Fleischer’s Soylent Green depicts: crowded, dirty, poor, and hot enough to keep Charlton Heston in a thick glaze of sweat for the entire ninety-seven-minute run time.
Despite its outsize reputation, the movie doesn’t have a hell of a lot going on. Basically, it all comes down to Heston’s character perspiring and acting like a lout most of the time and then almost inadvertently coming into the knowledge that New York City is feeding processed human corpses to its citizens. (Do we really have any definitive proof that this isn’t going on now, by the way?)
This movie got me thinking about cannibalism though. Because I’m a vegetarian — a quiet, unassuming one, not an evangelical — I’m mostly repulsed by flesh-eating in general, regardless of the genus and species of the flesh provider, but if push came to shove, could I actually consume a human steak?
After at least thirty seconds of grueling moral and philosophical consideration, I came to the conclusion that, yes, I probably could — if the meat were cooked well, adequately seasoned, and hairless. I’d hate to be finicky if a dystopia were in full-effect, but also the cut of meat would probably be relevant to its appeal. I’m more of a shank than taint man myself, but I can imagine that there are connoisseurs of every stripe.
I’m not sure why the cannibalism in Soylent Green is meant to seem so shocking. I’m not exactly advocating for a new protein choice at Chipotle, but desperate times call for desperate measures. It seems that if you are running out of places to dispose of corpses and running out of food sources, you have to think outside of the box or put two and two together or whatever cliché happens to be applicable. I mean, if it’s a matter of survival, you could probably do worse than a deep-fried gluteal, so long as you ensure that there are at least six degrees of separation between you and your dinner.
Did you know that people resorted to cannibalism during the siege of Leningrad in World War II? This isn’t Ye Olde Medieval Times we’re talking about, kiddos; that’s less than a century ago. When situations are dire, people have a way of overlooking extreme unpleasantness and grotesquery and doing what needs to be done. (Just ask any female who ever had sex with me.)
If you made it this far, I’ll bet you forgot that this was even a movie review when it started. I assure you that I have a point. What I’m saying is that if the only thing your movie has going for it is “OMFG! PEOPLE ARE EATING OTHER PEOPLE!” then maybe you need to stop being such a culinary prude and come over here and taste some of Charlton Heston’s pan-seared dewlap.
