TMNT as a Personality Test

Is this a thing? I mean, in other words, is this something people actually do at cocktail parties or weddings, in book stores or bodegas? I can’t be certain.

These types of personality tests are nothing new, of course. Buzzfeed did them to death before they discovered real journalism. And before that, remember THE BEATLES? You were either a John, Paul, George, or Ringo. Or each of them represented your ideal, someone you wished you were and thought was just the bee’s knees.

Nevermind the oversimplification of human characteristics, the sanded-down psychology of choice narrowed down to a mere four possibilities. TMNT is the new Zodiac.

I bring this up because I was recently having a chat with Sven Howard via Skype. During said chat, I couldn’t help but notice he was wearing some classy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajama pants. Most conversations I partake in have a way of mutating from one absurd topic to another, and at some point Sven mentioned the personality test in question.

He was visiting his brother in Oregon when, I dunno, perhaps apropos of nothing, it came up. You see, there are four turtles in question, named after the Renaissance painters, each with a particular set of personality traits. (See pic above)

1. Leonardo (blue) — leader. Weapon of choice: katana. Bit of a douchebag to his brothers. Is in fact terrible at leading.
2. Raphael (red) — cynic. Weapon of choice: twin sai. Mopey, sarcastic, quick to anger.
3. Michaelangelo (orange) — comedic relief. Weapon of choice: nunchucks. Most chillaxed of the bunch, loves pizza, and catchphrases. Cowabunga!
4. Donatello (purple) — brains. Weapon of choice: Bō staff. Prone to speaking in technobabble, geeky, introspective.

So Sven asked me: which turtle are you?

I pondered the question for a moment and then answered, “For me, I think it’s a blend between Michaelangelo and Donatello.”

Sven pursed his lips together and said he agreed with that assessment. Then came the kicker.

“My brother’s wife asked me the same question and I had always thought I was a Donatello. But she shook her head no and said, ‘You’re definitely a Raphael.’”

He paused for a second and then snickered. “Then I realized, ‘Damn it! She’s right!’”

So, dear Reader: which turtle are you? Let me know in the comments below.