Embracing Authentic Connections: Beyond Persuasion
Why should we avoid pushing for connections or persuading someone to remain in our lives?
In today's world, we often experience temporary relationships and surface-level interactions. Therefore, the need for authentic connections has become increasingly important. However, why do we feel the need to pursue connections with people who may not appreciate, honor, or cherish us? This is a question worth exploring. Before we delve into it, let's ask ourselves a few fundamental questions.
WHAT IS PERSUASION?
In the context of persuasion here, I'm referring to a situation where one person consistently initiates text or meet-up plans and shares openly and honestly but only receives brief replies and eventually gets ignored and ghosted. It's a situation where one person keeps choosing the other, but the feeling is not mutual. It's about allowing the other person to have our attention, time, and energy at their convenience, hoping they will recognize your worth one day. It's feeling content with receiving only breadcrumbs of attention while hoping the other person will change and show appreciation. It's when we think more about that person or situation, questioning what we might have done wrong to push them away and trying to find ways to draw them back in. It's putting that person on a pedestal while they take you for granted and enjoy the free attention without communicating effectively and respectfully. It's about prioritizing them while they don't even keep you on their list. It's about communicating and sharing more with them, in the hope that they will share about themselves as well and feel a connection with you, too.
It could happen in any human relationship, personally or professionally.
The other crucial questions we need to ask ourselves are:
WHY DO WE DO IT?
HOW DOES IT IMPACT?
The reason we may feel the need to pressure someone is often rooted in a lack of self-trust. This can lead us to elevate the other person onto a pedestal because we do not fully value ourselves. Essentially, our own sense of worth is not fully realized. When we struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries, it becomes challenging to comprehend and respect the boundaries of others. Consequently, we may find ourselves giving too much of ourselves too soon, without allowing the other person the opportunity to earn our trust or without discerning whether they truly deserve to be let into our inner world.
Moreover, when we are consumed by anxiety and desperation to attain or be with someone, we often unwittingly attract worse/worst versions of people. It also brings out the worst version of us, including anxiety and desperation.
When we pressure someone to connect with us, it prevents them from being their true selves. Even if someone wants to be with us or likes us, when we try to persuade them, it doesn’t feel like they are making a genuine choice. As a result, they pull away completely, OR they will act how you want to get something out of you. Both forms are undesirable.
We live in a world with thousands of options for everything at our fingertips. It may seem like a bubble — those options could instantly disappear. However, “thanks” and “no thanks” to the digital world, thousands of other options quickly appear.
Because we often have too many options, we often experience decision paralysis. When people are presented with more than five options, they tend to take longer to decide and may even become indecisive, leading to frustration and confusion.
It’s essential to prioritize understanding and embracing your own self-worth. Instead of attempting to force or persuade others to recognize your value, focus on acknowledging and appreciating your inherent worth and abilities.
So how can we avoid pressuring someone to like us and embrace and accept our own worth to allow genuine connections to flow in our lives? How can we attract a better/best version of people?
1. Know yourself
Take the time to know yourself. Spend quality time alone and reflect on your emotions. Don't be fooled by the facade of happiness on social media. Everyone faces challenges, so it's crucial to acknowledge your true feelings. Ask yourself tough questions about how different aspects of your life make you feel. Understand your core emotions and release any negativity. This process will help you identify your good and bad habits, and any limiting beliefs you may have.
2. Know your values
Values are inherent traits that you are born with, and they remain constant throughout your life. Whether it's connection, loyalty, honesty, monogamy, respect, commitment, compassion, emotional intelligence, or love, these values define who you are. Your priorities, such as self-growth, health, education, career, financial security, religion, spirituality, family, and happiness, should align with your values. As for your ideals, whether it's integrity, joy, intelligence, learning, optimism, adventure, or simplicity, they should guide your decisions and actions. It's crucial to recognize and understand your values, priorities, and ideals to make informed decisions and protect yourself from potential hurt.
For e.g., If you value monogamy, you cannot be with someone who doesn't share the same values or cheats in a relationship.
Knowing and embracing your values will empower you to make choices that are true to who you are.
3. Self-care and Self-love
We have all experienced times when we didn’t love ourselves enough, didn’t prioritize ourselves, and made choices that negatively impacted our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Every choice has a reason behind it. It could stem from a place of empowerment and growth, or it could be influenced by fear, FOMO, or societal conditioning.
While not all our decisions are wrong, we know that some are driven by fear, limiting beliefs, or external pressures. It’s crucial to discern between intuition-driven and fear-driven decisions.
If your heart and soul are not nourished and fulfilled, it can be challenging to genuinely express and share love with others and, more importantly, for yourself.
While I won’t delve into these aspects now, understanding these factors empowers us to love and trust ourselves more. This enables us to pursue what we truly desire, irrespective of societal or cultural expectations.
4. Forgiveness
We've all made mistakes, most likely without realizing it, because we didn't know any better. It's crucial to forgive yourself and others who you feel have wronged you. Self-forgiveness helps you let go of guilt, regret, dwelling on the past, overthinking, and anxiety. The past is unchangeable; once a rocket launches, it can't return to its original form. Similarly, the past is in the past, and you can't alter it. What should you do when you realize you could have done better? Take responsibility for your actions, work on self-improvement, and strive to be a better version of yourself. We are here in this world to experience the moments, emotions, relationships and probably most importantly to know ourselves. Let’s live these experiences and make the most by being in the present moment and experience it fully (whatever emotion it is, sad, happy, frustration, irritation, jealousy, being loved, being cherished etc). It’s always better to control our internal factors and let the external factors flow as per the Universe. It will all work out in your favour. Accepting the past is the most healing thing one can do. Whatever happened in the past is based on what we knew at that time, and the sooner we accept it gracefully, sooner it’s good for our health. If it already happened a certain way, that’s how it was supposed to happen. BUT yes, now we can create what we want it to happen. So focus on the present moment.
5. Expectations
We must all uphold basic manners and responsibilities as adults and as humans. We cannot deny them to maintain kindness and basic human decency in the world. However, expecting someone to love you, behave the way you want, or change into someone they are not is a road to unhappiness.
It doesn't allow the person to be themselves OR for you to see the person they are and the stage of life they are at.
Similarly, it doesn't allow them to show their better version; instead, it brings out the worst version of them if you keep pushing.
More importantly, it allows you to be in your universal flow.
6. Boundaries
Once you have followed all the steps above, you will know yourself better. This self-awareness makes it easier to establish and maintain boundaries. It is crucial to firmly respect your own boundaries, as this sets the expectation for others to do the same. Boundaries are non-negotiable for protecting your peace. The other person can disrespect you or mistreat you only when you keep allowing it and when you break your own boundaries. Hence, keep the power in your hands always and be the leader of your own life.
7. Be your own gender
If I am born/identify as a woman, I firmly believe that I should embrace and embody feminine traits. Women today are highly educated, financially independent, and emotionally intelligent, which is fantastic. However, this does not mean we should feel the need to compete with men or adopt masculine traits. We can fully embrace our feminine energy and still achieve everything we desire. Both men and women possess both masculine and feminine energy, but the balance differs based on gender. It is crucial to embrace our inborn traits to maintain balance and harmony between genders in the world.
As a woman, I believe that embracing feminine traits is a powerful celebration of the inherent beauty and strength of womanhood. It means confidently nurturing empathy, grace, and compassion while also boldly embracing resilience, wisdom, and creativity. By honoring our intuition and vulnerability, we build strong connections and inspire positive change in ourselves and others. Embracing feminine traits isn’t just about being soft — it’s about using our unique power to create a world filled with empathy, kindness, and empowerment.
Similarly, for men, embracing masculine traits means honoring the unique qualities that define masculinity. It’s about showing strength, courage, and resilience while also embodying the qualities of a provider, such as compassion, integrity, and leadership. Just because we are equal in the professional world, we should expect a man to act like a woman or vice versa. At the end of the day, we should let everyone acts the way they are born.
8. Have a full life
It is crucial to lead a fulfilling life as an individual. Codependency leads to chaos. It's essential to have a strong group of friends, carve out your personal space for quality time, embrace solo/family travel, pursue your hobbies, stay closely connected with family, continuously learn, and develop healthier habits. Once you have a rich and content life, it’s non-negotiable to uphold your values, set firm boundaries, embrace your worth, and acknowledge that you deserve the best because you are the best. It becomes effortless to prioritize yourself and choose what serves you best. Your partner should enhance your happiness, not be the sole reason for it. You should not connect with someone to fill the void or to get the attention.
9. Emotional regulation
It is crucial to be able to regulate your own emotions. When you feel charged up or triggered by something, it’s imperative to learn how to regulate your emotions and calm your nervous system. It is perfectly acceptable to feel and express your emotions as a human being.
Regulating our emotions makes it easier to express our needs, desires, or pain without blaming, attacking, or getting defensive. Instead of unloading our heavy emotions onto someone else, we must first acknowledge and regulate our feelings as a form of emotional first aid.
When we regulate our emotions, the other person will be more willing to listen and offer better support.
However, this doesn’t mean we should be hyperindependent and ignore our emotions, avoid difficult conversations, or ghost others.
It’s crucial to strike a balance and recognize that it’s normal to seek help and support from others, share our feelings, express our needs, and communicate effectively as human beings. It’s all about emotional intelligence.
It’s very important to be emotionally balanced to have a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
10. Trust and surrender
By embracing all the points I explained above, we must develop self-trust and trust in the universe. We must acknowledge that the universe blesses each one of us.
If we embody our better or best versions, the universe will effortlessly bring genuine connections into our lives, whether they are friendships, relationships, or professional connections.
When we trust ourselves and surrender to the universe, we naturally release the need to force a connection. Whatever is meant for us will not leave our path. All our desires will come to us effortlessly. Maybe it's not the right time for some desires, but if it's meant for you, it will return in a better form at the right divine timing.
Et VOILA! Welcome to your enhanced and more magnetic self, achieved by following these steps. Embrace the secure and confident version of yourself who trusts yourself. Prioritize self-care and choose to put yourself first. Be kind, caring, and responsible. Embody emotional intelligence and adorn humanity. Strive for a fulfilling and happy life. When you are in your magnetic self, you will effortlessly attract genuine and pure connections (without lifting a finger) that recognize your worth, whether it’s personal life or professional.
Insta account: mindshifthealing1.0
PS: Dear 2022 and 2023, these are the profound lessons that I have learned from you, and I have etched these invaluable insights deep into my very being. Thank you and I am grateful!
About the Author
I am a Design professional and a certified healer in belief coding therapy who specializes in guiding individuals to transform their limiting beliefs into empowered ones. I am dedicated to assisting people in achieving their best selves and leading more fulfilling lives at an accessible rate. Do not hesitate to contact me at mindshifthealingt1@gmail.com to arrange a complimentary (free) 15–30 minute discovery call.
