HEAD CHEESE

Fucking brainiac didn’t even know what hit him. Strolled right up to the screaming man with the gun and got what was coming to him.

That’s a little unfair don’t you think? His actions saved lives.

Not his own. He is very dead. And, what, there were six dead total. Don’t you think, let’s say, the guy keeps his mouth shut and his feet planted the crazy gun toting psycho cleans out the cashiers and everybody goes home. Scarred? Maybe — but alive.

Hindsight is 20/20. There’s no way to know for sure. Look at the crazy’s record. He beat his father up for making him play soccer. Three B and A’s, a couple aggravated assaults. That’s all before he turned 18. The list goes on.

Murder?

Six that I count.

No? Plus the six in this case.

Just the six.

Don’t be a dick. You’re not charming. So, he never murdered anybody.

Before yesterday.

Shut up. Beat up his dad, big deal. Your son comes around kicking your ass at what, 14? Yeah, you’re probably deserving a whooping.

Anyway, so our guy hasn’t said squat yet except he apologized for killing the brainiac. He said he felt bad, the guy surprised him. He said that if he wasn’t startled and that gun didn’t go off the first time blowing brainiacs brains all over the marble floor, he says nobody would have been hurt. Said he got kill crazy. His words.

That doesn’t sound like squat. Sounds like a whole lot.

I guess so, but he feels bad. I believe him. He wishes he could take it back.

Yeah, don’t we all. I’m missing my wife’s meatloaf tonight. She can’t cook anything really, but she makes a great meatloaf. She tells it like this: gotta use beef and pork, mix em’ up with all the fixings, onion and carrot and celery —

That’s the French call that, uh, what do the French call that? The onion and celery and carrots?

Don’t know. Not French. Irish and Dutch.

Yeah, no shit?

Can I finish, please? The wife mixes all that up and uses ketchup and goes at it hard, like a little Italian pizza maker type situation. Adds some other spices, but she won’t tell me.

Your own wife won’t let you in on her meatloaf secrets?

I said it’s the only thing she does well. She bakes it at about 425. It’s delicious. I gotta pick up sides on the way home though, usually stop in at Franco’s Deli, get some potato salad, and they make this good kale thing. The ex got me on the kale, long time ago. Miss her sometimes.

Franco’s is great stuff. I like the headcheese.

The what? Doesn’t sound appetizing.

It’s all the parts of the pig’s face and head. It’s good. I don’t know exactly what they do. Toss the pig’s whole head in a pot and boil it down, pull it apart and then pack it up like bologna, and bam, it’s ready.

And we think he’s the animal.

He shot and killed six people.

Yeah. Headcheese, huh? What’s this world coming too?