FREE VERSE POETRY
Envy The Life That Isn’t Mine
Seeking a miracle in a hopeless place
My self-consciousness was born before I existed.
A constant state of not feeling enough, anxious of missing the life outside the monotonous.
The life that was framed by the reason of waking up to catch up with vanity, the hustle and bustle of pride. Hence ignorance is preferred as a vessel to reach a state of bliss.
I was feeling lonely in a crowd of superficial. So I ran. I ventured to the greener grass of the neighbor’s life. I was dying to taste living in freedom without validation, seeking an answer, searching for love, hoping to be rescued to get to the unknown destination.
Hissing wind became my best friend… we chatted a lot as the blue sky guided my path until I rested my tiresome on the soft sands.
My best days were encountering foreign challenges and celebrating diversity among nomadic travelers.
Hoping the journey will take me to paradise and heal the wound of the mortal.
Until restless approached whenever I reached a state of what I thought to be my happy place, feared what might come after contentment. A random romance eventually reveals its true color.
I fought too hard against my destiny and arrogantly thought I was good enough to re-write my narrative.
Sensations of adventuring, pleasures, and liberty blurred my intellect, yet effectively molding my ego and pursuing what was not meant to be mine.
I thought that love was for me. I thought ‘that life’ was for me.
Living a dream life… once I worship fades easily, it remains a utopia.
Intertwined between sober and transcendent, my adulthood was spent seeking a meaningful life in hopeless places.
Is it a rejection or an assurance that the utopia will always be there?
Now as I armored by wounded heart! Chin up! Torn heart owned the depth to receive and sufficient strength to survive.
Real life will skin off my golden tan, followed by bled, slapped through mockery, and betrayed endlessly until my dignity finds joy in my suffering.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
©Grace Tobing. 2024. All Rights Reserved.
