Frozen in Doubt
A doomsday narrative
(Part I)
Lost in my research, I lean forward hovering over mounds of data scattered across my desk.
As I complete my final calculations, my heart races.
"Oh my God. OH MY GOD!" I wail audibly.
No calm down. One final check, Walter, don't get ahead of yourself.
Sorting through papers, and recounting my findings aloud, I slowly whisper to myself, "The data clearly shows that the global temperatures for last summer are on average down 1.24 percent, for last fall, 2.49 percent, for winter 4.03 percent, for spring 8.09 percent, and for this summer 16.25 percent. Not only that, stories are starting to circulate suggesting that the gravitational pull of Earth is out of whack. Thus, the data clearly shows we are in for a…"
"HONEY!" I shriek at the top of my lungs.
After what feels like an eternity, my wife trudges into my basement laboratory, and in a perturbed voice, responds, "What, Walter? You better not have called me down here to spout your crazy theories again about that stupid conspi-- "
Unable to resist my excitement, I cut her off and exclaim, "Maureen, this time it is different. Look at the data. It clearly supports my theory, the Earth is slowly falling off of its axis."
