Hurley II: Will Work for a Good Steak
This is the second part of Hurley — at the end of the first part our protagonist canine was stuck on a vegan diet that was supposed to rinse his body of toxins
I used to look down on dogs that would eat leftovers they found in the park. But now, I was one of those. Who throws away a half-eaten corned beef sandwich? I thought while I was busy devouring the food. The smell was mesmerizing. The sandwich was long gone, and I was rolling around on the grass where it was; like curling up in a long lost blanket.
It is a problem when your person decides you need to go on a diet, especially one based on oats and tofu. I am not a fussy dog, but please, what’s the point to life if you can’t chew on a large bone?
I closed my eyes and dreamed of a big chewy steak, like God intended it to be.
“Come on boy, enough daydreaming,” Natalie said. Soon we were back in the car, and I stuck my head out the window, that’s when I do my best thinking.
“Why are you vomiting that vile green stuff?” Natalie looked at me with concern. I was still doing it, on and off, all through the afternoon. “Hmm, maybe I’ll give you some bones, a change of pace from your regular healthy diet. If that doesn’t work, I’m taking you to the veterinarian.”
The bones were to die for; eating half the grass in the backyard worked.
Soon after, Natalie was swept up in the paleo diet fad, and I never lacked for meat.
Natalie was a high school teacher. Exam season was coming, it was one of her least favorite parts of the year. She decided to train me so I would watch over her students while they were taking tests. They were not allowed to talk, pass notes, or communicate in any way. Of course, some kids couldn’t resist trying to break the rules. My job was to catch them.
The smells in the school were dazzling; a kaleidoscope of tea, coffee, shoes, basketballs, perfume… I was mesmerized, smelling everything within reach.
“Come on Hurley, we are off to class,” Natalie prodded.
There were about three dozen students in the room, and there were so many smells to sift through. I closed my eyes and started looking for the kid who had the great smelling sandwich. It was salmon with cream cheese, I could already tell from the door.
I was halfway there when Natalie noticed and said “Focus on your job, you are watching the students.”
Well, that’s easier said than done. Let’s see how you focus when you are standing in an ice cream shop with a hundred flavors. Isn’t your first thought, “hmm, what are the three flavors that go best together in a cone?” I digress.
The only thing you could hear were pens scribbling on paper. I strolled between the tables, looking for something interesting. Two kids were passing notes, another was extracting a folded piece of paper from her bag. So? I thought, couldn’t care less. Then it hit me, on the other side of the class there was tuna. I strolled over nonchalantly, doing my best to show I didn’t care. It was in a backpack labeled “Emma” which I smelled from all sides.
Emma looked at me and whispered, “You can have the tuna sandwich if you bring me a note from Sara.”
I looked at her and tilted my head, thinking “H
ow do I know who Sara is?”
“She is the girl with the banana in her backpack,” she whispered.
I shuffled over, pretending there was nothing on my mind. Sara put the note in my collar, Emma took it, and I collected my reward.
The secret is to eat in small bites, then you can revel in the smell. This was like reaching the pearly gates. I was rolling on the very last piece, basking in the smell, keeping the memory with me always.
“Hurley, what are you doing rolling on the floor like that? Is that someone’s sandwich? That’s gross; you are going home right now.”
And that was the end of my school guard-dog career.
