Scoot Skedaddle Vamoose — Age 10
Chapter 4— a novel about anxiety — insecurity and self-gratification
During exams, the only way Karan’s mind would seek relief was by fantasizing about the future when the exams would get over — he would dream about how he would roam around burden free, and play and laugh and goof around with his friends, how he would not have to torture himself anymore with the stress and the anxiety, and how he would immerse himself in television and video-games all day long. He hated the exams and he hated studying for them. It was severe mental suffering. But he went through it for all the glory and all the greatness. The suffering now would make him a great man in the future — he thought.
With each passing day of the exams, his excitement would crawl up a little. Very soon he would get to taste the sweetness of freedom. On the final night of the last exam, he would be so thrilled that every once in a while he would pause from studying and scamper around in his room, wild with ecstasy.
Excitedly, he would give Usman a call.
“Usman, my friend. The exams are getting over tomorrow,” he would yell.
“Yay, Karan,” Usman would yell back. “No more exams from tomorrow.”
“Oh, Usman. I just have to toil for one more day, and after that, my life is going to be so much fun. Oh, Usman!”
And on the fateful day of the last exam when he was done writing the last word on his answer sheet he would gently keep his pen down, take a deep breath, close his eyes, and just be like that for a while. If there was any nirvana at all, this was it — he would feel.
Life at school would also be very different for about a week or two after the exams. The teachers would be in no hurry to restart the academic routine. This was because they had to complete evaluating the answer sheets from the exams. And so, most of the class periods would go unsupervised because the teacher would be in the staff room, busy with evaluations. The student monitors would take over to make sure that the class was well-behaved. The general atmosphere of the class would be very relaxed — students would be talking to each other and a low hum of chit-chatting would be in the air.
Sometimes a teacher would come in and begin teaching — the intensity of the lecture would be very light though, as they were starting a new term. As the teacher would teach an undertone of tension would develop in the class.
‘Have you corrected our exam paper?’ would be the thought in every student’s mind. ‘I know they are thinking about the paper,’ the teacher would think. The class would thus progress at a slow pace — everybody would wait for someone to break the ice and ask about the exam paper. In the middle of the class a student or two would muster up the courage and ask, meekly:
“Ma’am, paper?”
Now, the teacher had two ways of reacting to his question. Either she could blush because someone has finally acknowledged the elephant in the room. Or she could bark back and hush up the student who had the gall to remind her of her duty.
If she chose to blush then one by one the entire class would break into an idiotic howl.
“Ma’am, paper, ma’am, paper, ma’am, paper,” a few of them would begin.
If the teacher smiled it would encourage others to join.
“Paper, miss? Paper, miss? Paper, miss?”
The teacher’s cheeks would become red. It would be very evident that she was blushing. Then the entire class would start shrieking:
“Paper meeeeeeeeeeeees. Woohoo. Paper meeeeeeeeeeees.”
On the other hand, if the teacher choose to bark and avoid discussing the topic then the daring student, who had asked the decisive question would immediately hush up, as if struck by high voltage. When the teacher would turn back to the blackboard, the rest of the class would silently sneer at the student who had just been reprimanded.
On one such occasion, Karan was at the receiving end of a bark. He had with great caution asked the science teacher for the marks, but had been immediately silenced by him. The entire class was now staring at Karan and silently giggling. He was feeling extremely embarrassed — he considered himself the most brilliant chap in class, and it was not a nice feeling to be reprimanded in front of everyone. He sat motionless, kept his eyes on the textbook, and wished for the clock to tick faster so that everything would be back to normal again. He could see sniggering faces from the corner of his eye. But he chose, not to look back at them, not even furtive glances. His pride had been deeply hurt.
After a while when he started feeling normal again, he began turning his head slowly to check if anyone was still staring at him. He was happy to find that people had moved on and were doing their own thing now. Except for one girl — Neelam. She was still staring at him and kind of shamelessly. Karan caught her eye for a moment, and then instantly turned away, feeling embarrassed.
Why the hell is she looking at me like that?
But there was something odd about Neelam’s stare, he felt. Her pale white face and her thin delicate eyes showed no sign of derision. In fact, it seemed that her stare was kind of amorous. But Karan was not very sure about it because he had caught hold of Neelam’s face only for a second, before looking away.
He turned his head, slowly and steadily, again to study her face; more carefully this time. He was right. Neelam was looking at him with a very loving emotion. She seemed lost in a happy place. Karan caught her eye and immediately shied away. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Neelam was continuously ogling at him.
My god. I think she likes me — Karan didn’t know what to feel. This was the first time a girl was making romantic advances towards him. He took a deep breath and allowed himself to feel the emotion that most naturally came to him in this situation — vanity.
Wow. I think she has a crush on me!
He wished that Neelam would continue staring at him. That way he would be sure that she indeed had a crush on him.
Karan’s wishes came true. For the next several minutes Neelam stared at him, seamlessly. Her attention broke only a couple of times — either when she sighed and looked ahead to see what the teacher was writing on the blackboard, or when she took a swig or two from her water bottle.
Yay! She’s got a huge crush on me — Karan felt so much joy that he almost got up from the bench.
But he made sure to contain his excitement. He didn’t want Neelam to see that he was happy. He didn’t want Neelam to know that he was aware of her loving advances. He behaved as if he was completely unaware of her presence.
This way I will get even more attention from her — he thought. It’s beneath my dignity to stare back at anyone.
The bell rang and the period was over, and as the teacher stepped out the class gradually broke into chit-chatting. This disturbed Neelam’s focus, and she straightened herself up, rubbed her eyes, brushed up her hair, and regained her composure. Then she got up, drank some water, unzipped her school bag, put her hand inside, took something out, zipped up the bag, and walked towards Karan.
Oh my god, oh my god, she’s walking towards me, what do I do — Karan was freaked out as hell as he watched her approach from the corner of his eye.
When she was about an inch away from him, he turned around and uncomfortably looked at her. He raised his eyebrows.
Umm. What does she want? — he thought.
Neelam smiled at him, and then she put her hand in her pocket and took out a chocolate eclairs toffee, and held it in front of his face. It took Karan a moment to realize that she was offering him the toffee. His heart was racing wildly. He looked at the toffee and then looked at Neelam. She was still smiling. A smile crept up on his face as well. Then he plucked the toffee out of her hand and said,
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” said Neelam, and then walked off.
Karan looked at her from behind. He liked the way her hips were shaped under her skirt. He liked looking at her skirt from behind.
Then he went to the washroom and splashed some water on his face. He looked up, at his reflection in the mirror and smirked. Mom had told him many times that he was a very good-looking boy. He looked at his hair, his eyes, his pink lips, his fair cheeks, and his sharp nose.
Mom is right. I am good-looking. He felt delighted. He felt special.
“Neelam has a huge crush on me,” Karan told Usman later in the day. They were in the back seat of the moving school bus, and safe away from the ears of people who would be interested in this kind of gossip.
“Oh my god, Karan. Oh my god, Karan. Are you serious?” Usman was beside himself with excitement.
Why is he so excited? He’s behaving as if she has a crush on him — Karan thought about Usman’s reaction but chose not to verbalize it.
“Yes, I am damn serious,” said Karan, and then very animatedly he described it to Usman, scene by scene, the events that had happened earlier in class that day. He made sure to spice up his story a bit, to make the narrative more palatable. Right from the beginning of the story when Neelam had started staring to the point when she offered Karan the chocolate eclairs toffee, Usman was sucked into the story like a madman — his eyes couldn’t have been any wider open.
As he spoke the final few lines of the story, Karan, very slowly, took out the chocolate eclairs toffee, and then very slowly raised it in front of Usman’s eyes, concluding his narrative with a final dramatic touch.
“Oh my god, Karan. Oh my god! Can I have half of it?” said Usman.
“No,” said Karan, a little taken aback. “I don’t know, man. She gave it to me. I’m not sure if I should share.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Okay, man. Okay, okay. You’re right. Don’t share,” said Usman in a placating tone.
Even though Karan hadn’t explicitly said it, Usman, in a visceral way, had understood that this was not just any chocolate eclairs toffee — it was a sentimental chocolate eclairs toffee, and asking Karan to share it with him was ethically wrong, and also a grave misconduct on his part. He even felt a tinge of guilt for asking for the toffee and putting Karan in such an uncomfortable position.
“Man, you’re so awesome,” said Usman. “You come first in class and girls also love you.” His flattering comments were partly sincere and partly said to alleviate himself of the guilt he was feeling by asking Karan for the toffee.
Karan smirked. “Hey, Usman. Do you think I am very good-looking?” he said.
“Yeah, Karan. You are,” said Usman. There was a shine in his eyes. Then his voice dropped and he said, “Karan, do you also love Neelam?” He sounded a little jealous.
“What?” said Karan, making a face in disgust. “No way! I am very focused on my studies. I don’t have time for these nonsensical things like love.”
All of a sudden Karan felt insecure. What if Usman tells someone about Neelam? Then people will tease me about her. People will say she loves me and I love her. Shit! It was the last thing that Karan wanted — to be paired up with Neelam and made fun of. He was terrified of being paired up with any girl.
“Hey, Usman,” said Karan, as if he was going to strike a secret deal, “This stays between you and me, right?”
“Yes,” said Usman.
But Karan still felt a little unsure. He was afraid Usman might blurt it out to someone.
“You know how Shaunak and others are,” said Karan. “They’ll make fun of me if they come to know about this,”
“Yes, yes. Uff. Your secret is safe with me, Karan. Stop worrying.”
“Usman, you know, I am a very serious kind of person. I don’t want to be paired up with a girl and mocked. You know, how big an asshole Shaunak is. He will make fun of me if he comes to know about it.” Karan felt extremely desperate — he wanted a solid assurance from Usman that he was not going to spill the beans.
“My god, Karan. I’m not going to tell this to anyone, relax.”
“See, Usman. I told you about Neelam only because you are my friend. Because I can trust you. Can I trust you, Usman?”
“Uff, Karan, what’s wrong with you? Relax.”
“That means I can trust you right?”
“Yes. Uff. Your stop has come. Go.”
Karan’s bus stop had come, so he waved goodbye to Usman and got off. He was feeling extremely anxious.
I shouldn’t have told Usman about Neelam.
Karan was scared that Usman was going to spill the beans, and then people were going to pair him up with Neelam, and they were going to take his case. It did not go well with his image that people paired him up with a girl. He liked to think of himself as an obedient child, who was very conscientious, who always excelled at school exams, and who stayed away from anything that could be a distraction from his studies — especially girls. If people started teasing him about a girl then this image of his would be shattered.
He had always looked down upon boys who seemed to be interested in pursuing girls. He considered such people as morally corrupt, and he and his group of friends would stay away from such corrupt people. They had been told at home by their parents to not indulge in frivolous school romances that served no purpose except to distract them from their studies. He remembered a conversation he had with Dad once:
“You see, there is an age for everything,” Dad had said.
They were having dinner and Dad was telling him about how a certain boy — the son of one of his friends — had lost interest in studies and had started performing poorly at school because he had gotten involved in an affair with someone.
“Right now is the age for studying and developing good hobbies like reading and playing some sport,” said Dad, righteously.
“So when should one start thinking about these things then?” asked Karan with naïve curiosity. By ‘these things’ he meant things of the romantic kind.
“Only when you are settled and have a good career. You will have a lot of time in the future to think about ‘these things’. But now is the only time you have to study and to make a career.”
Karan believed him. But he needed some evidence that would make his belief stronger. So he said, “All the great people you know about, they never got involved in ‘these things’ when they were young?”
“Yes, absolutely,” said Dad, and then paused to think of examples to support his statement. “Sachin is the best example of it. You know he and Vinod Kambli started playing cricket at the same age. But look at Sachin — he’s such a great star, and look at Kambli — no one remembers him. You know why?”
“Why?” said Karan. He was hooked into the conversation now.
“Because as soon as Kambli got a little fame he became rash and got involved in love affairs, and then lost his focus from the game. This is what happens when you get involved with girls at the wrong time in your career. You have multiple break-ups and multiple make-ups, and after a while, you disappear so badly from the scene that no one remembers you anymore.”
While speaking Dad kept on pointing to his newspaper, implying that he had gathered all this information from a credible source.
“But Sachin kept himself away from all such controversies,” continued Dad. “You never hear anything bad about Sachin in the newspapers, and see where he has reached. This is because his focus was only on his career.”
“Yes,” said Karan. He was captivated by this newly formed image of Sachin that Dad had presented to him.
“And when the time came he got married and got settled. But this he did only after his career had progressed beyond a certain stage.”
“Hmm. Even I should think about ‘these things’ only when I have progressed beyond a certain stage in my career,” Karan seemed engrossed in his thoughts.
At school, Neelam continued to shamelessly stare at Karan during the classes. It was very obvious to him now that she was madly in love with him. Every day after school she would hand him a chocolate eclairs toffee — every single day like clockwork. Karan had half a mind to tell her to stop giving him chocolates and stop staring at him.
I am a very hard-working person, and I like to study. I am not interested in girls — he wanted to tell her.
But a part of him also liked the attention that Neelam gave him. And he was reluctant to let go of that attention and his daily chocolate eclairs toffee. It was very flattering to have someone dote over him like that.
I am so good-looking, she’s so crazy about me — this thought had done wonders to his self-esteem.
And so he didn’t stop Neelam and let her stare at him and kept accepting the chocolate eclairs toffee, knowing very well that soon Shaunak or someone was going to know about it, and then they were going to tease him. His image of a good, obedient, serious, and hard-working boy was going to be shattered then. He was terrified of this thought, so he threw it aside and ignored it.
And one day the unthinkable happened — Shaunak came to know about it.
“I think Neelam loves Karan,” one of the girls told Shaunak, during the lunch break. Karan was not around, and Shaunak was sitting on his bench, quietly eating from his tiffin box.
“What?!” said Shaunak, looking at the girl as if he had just been hit by a brick on his head. The girl asked him to keep his volume down. It’s a secret, she said.
“I just couldn’t keep it to myself,” she continued. She sounded very excited.
“Ei, but how are you so sure, haan?” said Shaunak.
“Neelam has started wearing an eyeliner every day,” she said.
“Ei, so what?”
“When a girl suddenly starts changing her looks it means something fishy is going on.”
Shaunak didn’t understand. He was not well-versed in such things. Then the girl told him about the things she had been noticing, like how Neelam couldn’t keep her eyes off Karan, and how after school she would hand him a chocolate eclairs toffee every day.
“Ei, every day?” said Shaunak feeling pangs of jealousy. “He gets a chocolate eclairs toffee every day?”
After that conversation even Shaunak started noticing the subtle details, and he brought this to the notice of all the other boys as well. Very soon all the boys in Karan’s group knew about Neelam and it was only a matter of time before they would start taking his case.
It happened in the sports field. Karan and some friends were running around playing lock and key. Karan was in the den, so he was running after people to lock them. He had locked everybody in their positions except Shaunak. And so now he was running behind him.
Karan quickly caught up to Shaunak, and then he thumped him on his back.
“Lock!” said Karan, and jumped with joy. He had locked everyone in the game — they were all standing in their positions, in a circle around him.
“Karan and Neelam sitting on a tree,” said Shaunak, almost in a whisper, but loud enough for Karan to hear.
His heart skipped a beat, it felt as if the blood was draining away from his brain. He ignored Shaunak. He won’t do it again — he consoled himself and hoped that this momentary uncomfortableness was just a one-time thing in the universe and it would never happen again. Plus, he was very sure that no one else had heard it.
“Guys, let’s play another game of lock and key,” said Karan to distract everyone.
“Karan and Neelam sitting on a tree,” Shaunak’s voice was more audible this time, and it was heard by others as well.
“Hey, guys. Quickly, let’s start another game,” Karan avoided making eye contact with anyone. He knew that they were ready to rip him apart.
“But aren’t you going to tell us about Neelam?” said one of them, his eyes mocking Karan.
“What about her?” said Karan, feigning innocence.
“Aren’t you too girlfriend-boyfriend?” At this, everybody started laughing.
“Hey, man. It’s nothing like that. Please don’t say like that, man. Please,” said Karan. He felt extremely vulnerable and extremely helpless. He wanted to run away from them but his legs felt stiff. He stood motionless.
“But Neelam louuuuuuves you, Karan,” said Shaunak and sniggered.
“Shaunak, please you are my true friend. You know I am serious about studies, and I am not interested in such things — ”
“Karan and Neelam sitting on a tree,” Shaunak interrupted him and started singing, “Karan and Neelam sitting on a tree.”
“Shaunak, please, you know me very well, there is nothing like that,” Karan was almost on the verge of tears, and Usman, who was also around, sensed it. He had been quiet for so long but now he lashed out.
“Stop it guys, enough” he yelled. “Let’s all go back to the class. We are getting late.”
Everybody looked at Karan. They saw that he looked very hurt and they realized that they had probably crossed the line. They all left leaving Usman and Karan behind.
Karan looked down at the grass. Rage was boiling inside him.
“Are you all right?” said Usman.
“Usman, you are a fucking eunuch,” said Karan. “What makes you think I am not all right?”
“I was only trying to help you,” said Usman.
“I was only trying to help you,” Karan imitated Usman’s effeminate body language in a very crass way. “You eunuch. I can help myself, OK? I don’t need you to help me — that too in front of others.”
“All right, I’m sorry,” said Usman.
Karan walked away leaving him alone on the field. His ego had been hurt. What the hell does Usman think of himself? Coming to help me! Because of him now everyone will think I am a weak pussy.
That entire day Karan’s mind went into an uncontrollable thinking mode. The teasing by Shaunak and others had ripped him apart from the inside. He didn’t want them to tease him again. He wanted them to forget everything about Neelam.
That’s not going to happen. They are going to tease me again.
Anxiously, Karan scampered up and down in his room. His hands were behind his back. His palms and the underside of his feet were sticky with sweat.
Images from earlier that day flashed in his mind:
He is standing in the sports field. The grass underneath his feet is green and dewy — the smell of the grass wafts to his nose. The sun is on the horizon, almost about to set. They are playing lock and key, and he has just locked the last man, Shaunak, in his position. All his friends are standing in a circle around him. He looks up at them in exhilaration — he has locked everyone. But he sees that they are all smirking. They seem to have a very derisive look in their eyes, and it disturbs him. The next moment they are all sniggering, and singing, ‘Karan — and Neelam — sitting on a — tree,’ and he is just helpless staring at him.
Karan’s mind went into a frenzy. He started thinking of possible answers he should have given to them in the sports field.
Hey, guys, you are all my friends. Please don’t tease me. I promise you there’s nothing like the way you guys think.
Hey, guys. Nothing is going on between Neelam and me. Don’t tease me, please.
Hey, guys. Neelam is a stupid bitch. She’s after my life. I have got nothing to do with her.
He started walking faster and faster in his room, his walking pace increasing with the pace of his thoughts. He stopped for a second and looked at Narasimha on the wall. Then he started walking again, up and down, up and down.
Another image flashed in his mind. It was a what-if scenario.
What if the next time when Neelam is giving me the chocolate eclairs toffee, Shaunak happens to pass by?
The entire scene flashed in his mind with vivid details:
It is after school and Neelam is standing next to him, on the road outside the school. The traffic on the road is as usual, the cars are honking. The school kids in their uniforms are going back home. Some are walking with their parents, some are walking in a line towards the school bus, and some are just loitering around near the one-rupee-pepsi shop. Neelam takes out a chocolate eclair toffee in her hand, and then she smiles. Karan looks at Neelam and smiles, and then he looks at Toffee. He moves his hand towards the toffee and as he is about to pluck it out of her hands he sees from the corner of his eye that Shaunak is approaching towards them.
‘Ei, what’s this eclairs business?’ says Shaunak, with a smirk on his face, as he stands next to Karan.
Hey, Shaunak. Nothing, man. She’s just giving me chocolates. She has a lot of them. — Karan thought to himself. This was the reply he would give in case his fears would come true.
The scene continued in his head.
‘OK, if she has so many of it, then why don’t you give me one as well?’ says Shaunak to Neelam. Shaunak has a very sly expression on his face. He knows that Karan is lying and that Neelam doesn’t have a lot of chocolates.
Neelam has a confused look on her face. She looks at Karan because she does not know what to say to Shaunak.
Shaunak, why don’t you take half of mine, Shaunak? She must have forgotten to get more today — This would be the reply Karan would want to give to Shaunak’s last question.
Karan’s anxiety level shot up. His heart was racing like mad. His breathing had become faster. He was sweating profusely. Images kept on coming to his head.
‘No, Karan. She hasn’t forgotten to get more chocolates. I know she gets only one every day,’ says Shaunak. ‘Just for you, Karan. Because she looouuvvves you, ei.’ Shaunak starts sniggering.
Karan stands helplessly. He smiles awkwardly. The cars and other people on the road pass by.
She doesn’t love me, Shaunak. It’s nothing like that. Please, I am very serious about my studies. We are just friends.
‘Oh. Right. You know what they say. A boy and a girl can never stay friends. There is always much more than that,’ says Shaunak. Neelam is still standing awkwardly and staring at them.
Shaunak, please don’t talk like that. Please don’t spread rumors like these in the school.
Karan was locked up in his room. He heard Mom calling from outside, “Karan, time for dinner, beta”.
“Yeah, Mom. Just give me 2 minutes,” he yelled from inside.
‘Neelam is giving you one chocolate eclairs every day. This is too much good news to not spread in school. I am going to tell everyone, and then everyone is going to make fun of you,” says Shaunak. He is sniggering like a demon now.
Shaunak, you son of a bitch, what business is it of yours who gives me eclairs and who doesn’t, you piece of shit. Karan was really angry now. He imagined holding Shaunak by the collar, and then punching him in the face until he started bleeding from the forehead. Shaunak was on the ground, blood draining down his face, and Karan looked at him and smiled distastefully. He was delighted. Shaunak deserves it.
‘You can beat me now, Karan. But I am going to tell the whole world about Neelam,’ says Shaunak, lying on the ground, and smiling at Karan. His front two teeth are missing, blood is smeared all over his gums.
Shaunak. Please don’t tell about Neelam to anyone.
Shaunak. She owes me an eclairs. She’s just returning it to me.
“No, I shouldn’t lie. Shaunak is going to catch my lie,” Karan said to himself. He was irritated with himself that he could not find an appropriate answer to say to Shaunak in case the latter would investigate him about Neelam and the chocolate eclairs.
Motherfucking, Shaunak. Mind your own business asshole. Who do you think you are, trying to investigate me? I’m going to beat the shit out of you.
“Karan! Two minutes are over, come out, fast,” Mom yelled. It seems dinner was ready.
“Yes. Mom. Coming.” Karan didn’t feel like leaving his room. He wanted to ruminate more about the plausible answers he would give to Shaunak. But he reluctantly stopped his thought process and stepped out of his room.
At the dinner table, he took a deep breath and sighed violently. His ears were red, and his hair was wet with sweat.
“Are you all right,” said Mom. “Do you want water or something?”
“No,” said Karan. He did not look her in the eye. He was in no mood to talk, he wanted to be left alone.
A few days passed by at school and neither Shaunak nor any other boy teased him about Neelam again. It seemed it was just a one-time thing and everybody had moved on. Nobody was interested in taking his case again — there were better things to do. Karan felt very upset that he had blown the entire Neelam issue terribly out of proportion.
No one is making fun of me. There was no need to take so much stress.
But the fear still lingered. What if they make fun of me someday? — this thought was always present in the background, and it made him feel uncomfortable. He just couldn’t let go of the fact that he had been brutally humiliated by his friends on the sports field.
All of a sudden he was very scared of being seen around with Neelam. After school, he would run away home as soon as possible so that Neelam wouldn’t have a chance to meet him. He wanted to avoid her, he wanted to break all contact with her, and he didn’t want to give Shaunak and others another opportunity to rip him apart.
One day, after school, Neelam caught him by surprise.
“Hey, why do you leave so early these days? Haven’t got a chance to see you in a long time,” she said.
Karan smiled awkwardly and from the corner of his eye he kept a check on the passing by people — he didn’t want any of his friends to see him.
“Just got a lot to study these days,” he said. “I just don’t have time for anything else. I have to go. Bye.”
He started walking away from her.
“Wait,” she said and then took out a chocolate eclairs toffee from her bag. “For you,” she smiled.
Karan didn’t make eye contact. He snatched the toffee from her hands and then ran away. A few steps ahead, when Neelam was out of sight, he threw the chocolate in the roadside gutter.
He was now panicking. Neelam had made contact with him.
I am lucky no one saw us. Otherwise, I would have been a gone case. Shit! Shit! Shit!
On the bus back home Karan sat in the last seat, all alone. He looked out the window. It was evening, the weather was nice, but the streets were full of people and vehicles. The air felt toxic to breathe in. The air of Calcutta always felt toxic. He took a deep breath, and released the air — he had a lot of thinking to do. He had to end the Neelam crisis, once and for all. And he imagined, vividly, how he was going to do that.
Next time I meet Neelam I am going to give her a piece of my mind. It will be after school, and I’ll make sure that I walk out with Shaunak so that when I take Neelam’s case he will be around to witness it. Then he will know that I am not interested in these things. Neelam will be standing on the road outside, waiting for me with her stupid eclairs toffee as always. I will say to Shaunak,
‘Come, Shaunak. I will show you something. This is to prove to you that I have nothing for Neelam.’
Then I will walk towards Neelam, and then she will put her hand in her pocket, take out the eclairs toffee, and offer it to me. But I will not take it. I will glance at Shaunak and I will smirk.
Then I will snigger at Neelam and tell her, ‘What’s with this eclairs toffee every day? One day is fine, but doing it every day is so stupid. You are such an idiot.’ My tone will be rude but not very rude. It needs to have a touch of humor. A blend of humor and insult will be the most apt tone for giving her a piece of my mind. Then Shaunak and I will start laughing at her. We will call her names. We will call her ‘Eclair Aunty.’ That’s an amazing insult — ‘eclairs aunty.’ And after that day no one will ever tease me about her. People will start taking me seriously again.
Fortunately for Neelam, that day never came. Things took an unusual turn and the matter was resolved in the most unexpected manner.
It happened in the school library one morning. Karan, Shaunak, and some others were sitting and doing their math homework. The assignment was a little too difficult and they were collaborating with each other to get it finished. They had been at it for quite a while now, and every once in a while they would take a break, to gossip and bitch about other people. Karan liked hanging out in the library with his friends. He enjoyed these gossiping and bitching sessions. The librarian was a sweet person and she didn’t give them any trouble for talking in the library. They were free to talk about anything they wanted.
“You know Asfaq was smoking a cigarette in the toilet,” said one of the boys sitting there.
“What! Oh my god! Are you serious?” said Karan.
“Yes. It happened in the bathroom. I was there washing my face, and suddenly the door behind me opened. Asfaq stepped out — there was cigarette smoke all over the place. He looked at me and smirked. He was also eating chewing gum to get rid of the bad breath.”
“What did you do? Do you think we should complain to the principal?”
“Ei, leave it, man,” said Shaunak. “You know how these people are. They are all corrupt. Even if you complain they are not going to change. So what’s the point?”
Everyone nodded and agreed with Shaunak.
“Plus these bully gang people are very dangerous. If you complain they will beat you after school,” said Shaunak.
The bully gang was the name they used for a gang of kids who were backbenchers, spoilt, poor in academics, and who had a bad reputation in school for intimidating other kids and getting into violent physical fights.
“Yeah, you’re right,” said Karan. “These bully-gang kids are very dangerous. They are going to grow up and become gangsters. You know Asfaq failed class 3 two times.”
“Yes, yes,” everyone agreed. “The bully gang is full of gangsters,” they said.
At that moment Neelam stepped into the library, and she walked towards Karan and his group. Karan saw her approaching and froze with fear. His mind came to a sudden halt. He had no idea what to do next. He caught Shaunak’s eye, and then winced — Shaunak had a very subtle smirk on his face. Karan knew that something very terrible was about to happen.
“Hey, you guys mind if I join you? I haven’t finished the math homework myself,” said Neelam.
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” said Shaunak, and then very slyly looked at Karan and smirked. The others gave him teasing looks too. Karan ignored everyone and diverted his focus to the math homework.
For a while, everything went fine and everyone did their homework in peace. Neelam occasionally asked Karan a couple of doubts she had about her math homework, and Karan helped her courteously. He didn’t do anything silly because he did not want to create a scene — he was too scared of the consequences. He just wanted time to pass away quickly so that he could get out of this situation as soon as possible.
Several minutes passed by and no one said a word. It was beginning to get a little awkward. Someone had to break the silence. And it was not going to be Karan. His lips were sealed up tight. Shaunak started fidgeting. There was a naughty smile on his face. Something was cooking up inside his head.
“You know, Karan, Neelam really likes you,” he blurted out.
There was a brief pause and everyone looked up at Karan with silent eagerness. Neelam’s face had become red from blushing. Karan let out an awkward guffaw.
“Hey, no, it’s nothing like that, guys,” said Neelam, taking the lead to soften down the tension.
“I have sources that confirm otherwise,” said Shaunak.
Karan felt like jabbing his pencil inside Shaunak’s nose.
“A little birdie told me that you like Karan,” said Shaunak, and giggled like a buffoon. The rest of the boys joined him too.
“I just like him like everyone else. There’s nothing more than that,” said Neelam.
Karan was clenching his pencil very tightly. He was almost ready to stab Shaunak in the face when suddenly an idea lit up in his head. He kept the pencil down and said:
“Neelam. Let’s prove to them that there’s nothing fishy going on between us. Why don’t you tie me a rakhi?” He picked up her handkerchief that was lying next to her textbook on the table. “Here, for the time being, this can work as a rakhi,” he waved the handkerchief in front of her.
It was pink in color and had a flowery pattern on the borders.
“Yes, yes,” said Neelam. She was too embarrassed to protest. It didn’t look like she had a choice. “That’s a good idea,” she said. “Let’s show them that there is nothing between us.”
She snatched her handkerchief from Karan and then tied it on his wrist. Shaunak and the rest of the boys stared at them, dumbfounded.
And from that day on no one ever teased Karan about Neelam. Such was the power of the rakhi.
To be continued…
