The Crumpled Pages
Poetry
Upon the floor,
torn and crumpled;
they fall,
off my hand,
tiny bits of paper, tiny bits of memory,
those book-marked memories,
those obstinate pages of my story,
is adamant to stay on forever.
I have written and rewritten them
a thousand times,
yet something amiss each time
and I am never satisfied!
Every time a new version,
a new edition,
but the shortcomings stand tall.
Making them perfect was impossible
and the irony is; I do not know how
to deal with them;
should I discard them or
change them the way I want or
keep it as it is?
Questions boggled my mind
but how hard I tried
like an oasis in desserts,
answers never arrived
but like mirages luring all the way
and the entanglement!
Sometimes I put an exclamation mark,
sometimes a question,
but in the end, I tear them off,
a constant, no matter how much effort
I put to ease them, they
tease me, tantalize me,
a game of Scrabble I play endlessly,
only to realize, the right words
were missing or
rather I never found them.
Perhaps, the perfect words.
Can I make them perfect as Gods?
Gods do you have answers for that, or
even if it happens, what will I gain, only
to tear, crumple, and throw?
Ohh!
Can I change those paths in my life
which I trod on,
though they were never for me,
I gave it wings to fly,
it came tumbling,
twirling from the sky.
I whip them away from me,
they refuse to leave the floor of my heart!
I tricked them in so many ways
and to my wit,
I found them,
never to leave the landscape of my mind;
those bits of memories scribbled all over
like a wayside bush wildly growing;
uncared for.
A paying guest
as owners reside
in me, they thrive!
I throw them in the trash
but they’ve captured my mind,
captured my heart,
which often knowing,
unknowingly,
takes endless days off my heart.
Sometimes the ink spilled;
a mousse of my thought,
I could hardly read,
sometimes the script by heart!
That hackneyed script,
yet so preoccupying,
a vicious cycle and…
Ohh!
The trap!
stayed all along
like parallels, moving together,
never meeting anywhere,
but staring deep into my eyes,
they’re shadows,
still standing taller than the real me,
on the empty canvas of my life,
where I so intricately,
intriguingly, tied it,
with the same string
I pick them up, straighten them,
read them and…
Ah!
The entanglement never ends.
I so want to reach out to them
as tears roll down like the setting sun,
down the stairs,
falling on the ocean floor,
and lost in it,
to rise again the next aurora.
I see my heart beating in them
as I throw them and they fall.
Memories that make my heart
beat without fail are
the memories that I want to throw,
closest to my heart
and I, now know they are
going to last a lifetime,
and the frenzy attachment
is growing stronger each day.
A quantum entanglement,
a part of me lost in the universe and
I search for them.
The pursuit is an endless one
that perhaps, will never end!
