The Ella and Emma Chronicles —Relationship Advice
Fiction
Ella and Emma are two peas in a pod. They’re friends. They’re family. Ella is Emma’s young cousin. Emma is Ella’s idol. Ella wants to grow up to be like Emma. A chuffed Emma is only too happy to show her the way. Through these short stories, the sisters navigate love, life, travel, pasta, higher education, boyfriend troubles, and more. These are The Ella and Emma Chronicles.
The cousin sisters had one thing in common. They were both cagey about their significant others. To quote Ella, despite the “100 years” separating the two of them — both she and her sister-cousin Emma were circumspectly talking about their relationships — even with each other.
The first time Ella had any idea of what Emma thought about long-term relationships was when the entire family had gotten together for Thanksgiving. Over prepping the turkey, making pumpkin and apple pies, and trying hard to make deviled eggs that wouldn’t fall apart — the conversation shifted to what it took for marriages to succeed. Emma’s parents were divorced and currently living in Australia and England (who lived where was unclear) but she always claimed that they were better off divorced than together. But Ella’s parents were still together and so were Uncle Carl and Auntie Mabel.
“The trick to maintaining a good marriage is to treat it like a business contract!” Emma announced to the room as the men in the family did their patriarchal duty by watching the Cowboys take on the Steelers while the women braved and toiled over the kitchen counter.
Everyone continued with their chores as it seemed like no one heard what Emma said. Ella’s mom and Emma were in-charge of the turkey, Auntie Mabel was working on her new vegan recipes and trying hard to get her stubborn-ass uncle Carl to eat right — High cholesterol Ella…you watch out! she cautioned as Ella dug into yet another sugary chocolate pastry and did her part for the family’s Thanksgiving meal by eating, sitting around and watching the older women prepare a truckload of food that would last at least a fortnight.
And then — all of a sudden — the room fell quiet. Emma’s comparing marriage to a business contract finally sunk in even as the sounds of yet another touchdown by the Steelers were met with glorious applause on the TV screen. Uncle Carl turned towards the women and said proudly,
“My niece Emma! Takes after the old block, eh? Absolutely correct, my dear!”
“What complete rubbish!” said Ella’s mom and still very much a hopeful romantic after 18 years of not-so-wedded bliss. “Marriage is not a transaction, Emma. And Carl! Matters of the heart cannot be calculated like numbers on a checkbook.”
“But it should be! Don’t you see?” Emma argued earnestly. “If my mom and dad had understood what was needed to make their marriage work — they would still be together. They’re both successful in their work and business lives. Everything is transactional, contractual and there’s no ego involved. But when it came to their marriage — they let their hearts rule their heads and see where they are now!”
Auntie Mabel continued marinating an entire head of cauliflower. Supposedly, it was to take the place of chicken or something like that. It looked disgusting AND it smelled awful. And that was saying something — given the clash of aromas in the kitchen already.
Emma, of course, had to poke the bear. “What do you say, Auntie Mabel? Uncle agrees with me. You do too, right?”
If looks could kill… well, Auntie Mabel just raised her eyebrows and said dryly, “Honey. I’ll listen to you pontificate about marriage once you actually bring a man home. Until then — let’s not — well, you shouldn’t give us any relationship advice.”
BURN!
Ella understood though. Emma was private about her relationships. Just like she was. For all her loudmouth braggadocio tendencies — Ella kept quiet about who she dated and other aspects of her love life.
So, the day after — when Ella made her way to Emma’s she wondered about her sister-cousin. Emma was so contradictory. The day before she spoke about marriage being a business transaction. But in her tiny matchbox-sized apartment she had two massive bookshelves that housed books from Shakespeare, Zadie Smith, Haruki Murakami, Toni Morrison, Alice Walker. Philip Roth, Salman Rushdie and so many more. Also, she actually read all the books that she owned. That wasn’t the interesting part. But behind the wooden wall of books was a secret hidden section — which housed twice as many romance novels as the other books she had. From Daphne Du Maurier to Janet Dailey to Lynne Graham to Maisey Yates — Emma had collected a smorgasbord of trashy romance novels and boldly kept them in the living room for anyone to find if they knew where to look.
“I love reading romances, El,” she said matter-of-factly. “I’m not ashamed of it. It transports me to a world that is aspirational. I know I will never have the kind of romantic relationships they describe in those books. Those are just escapist fare, But it’s fun to read them.”
Ella was deeply impressed with Emma’s level-headed attitude to love and relationships. And given that she was in the middle of a wretched love triangle herself (she and her bestie were stalking an 18-year-old lacrosse player)- she figured that she needed her sister’s sage and practical advice on love, life, and relationships.
Emma was thrilled that Ella asked for her help navigating her romantic dalliances. She took the role of being a role model to her 17-year-old kid cousin sister very seriously. So, over long walks between the living room to the bedroom and over sips of Starbucks cappuccino, Emma gave her kid cousin advice from the wealth of expertise she had amassed in her 28-years of life on planet Earth.
“I’m currently in the longest relationship I’ve ever been. Seven years and counting,” Emma announced.
“Wow! That’s pretty long and solid, Em,” Ella looked surprised. “And also extremely private since NONE of us know about this person you were/are with. But seven years is very impressive nonetheless. We’ll get to who this person is but, seriously, seven years? Did you ever want to throw in the towel and give up?”
“Oh, yeah!” Emma nodded furiously. “The first couple of years was the honeymoon phase. Things worked beautifully. The relationship was full of love and cooperation. It was like a well-oiled machine and things worked like clockwork. It was smooth, efficient, fast and there was so much give-and-take between us. But around the three-year anniversary mark, I almost threw in the towel then. ”
“But you didn’t, right? You persevered?”
“Yes. I did. Things started to slow down after three years. Like any relationship — there are good days and bad days. Some days it’s smooth sailing and other days it’s a lot of bloody hard work getting things to function like normal. It’s been a bit of a hassle and a bit of a battle.”
“But you’ve stuck it out, yes?” Ella asked eagerly.
“Oh, absolutely. You cannot give up on a relationship just because it gets tough, child,” Emma admonished. “I was, I am, in it for the long haul. I’ve invested too much time, energy, and money to give up now.”
Ella was at once excited and curious. “And this relationship of yours is with…?”
Emma walked towards her work desk and picked up her beat-up Toshiba laptop and fondled it. “If Carrie had Mr. Big, I have Mr. Handsome. Hands down the toughest and best relationship I’ve ever had. When I’m down, I watch movies on him. When I’m in a particularly creative mood — he helps with creating the best version of my art. But with age, he is becoming more and more cantankerous. When he gets tired… he just stops doing anything and plays dead. I have to then cajole him, sweet-talk him, rub him gently… other times I smack him hard because he is just so bloody fussy. But eventually, whether it takes 5 minutes or 50 — he is still there. Loyal AF even if he’s now more of a pain than anything else. But I just cannot live without him.”
