The Best Worst Year

The things that I experienced in 2013 were my lifes hardest hurdle to date. I tell people it was the best, worst year of my life, and it stands true in the present. I would have never thought that 2013 — first year out of college — was going to be life changing. I guess I knew no matter what was going to happened in 2013 it was going to be challenging because of the change in my life from school to a job. One thing I never would have expected was the things I went through and how it has shape me as a person today.

The funny thing about the worst best year of my life is that I realized this is simply life. It was the hardest year because I never really lived life. I never experienced the ups and the very lows of being responsible, interacting with people, being intentional, and having financial security.

This year wrecked me like I’ve never been wrecked before. If I had to choose one thing that was the most important thing I learned it would have been surrendering to God. I never really experienced this or got the concept until this year. Let me explain… my life was built on my way, my perceptions, my actions.

Everything was about me and I learned that if life was going to be this way it was going to be a lot harder to go through. God tore me down to rock bottom and below. This was the best thing that happened to me because my life was not mine anymore. I ridded all of my selfish desires and surrendered to God. The reason why this was so crucial in 2013 is because my life started to rebuild, but only to be rebuilt by my creator.

So, here I am still transforming from my old ways and trying to progress into the man God is creating me to be. This is not a surface level commitment or surrender, but rather a covenant and a life-long love for something greater than myself.

Someone once told me that if you truly love somebody you can feel it; not because it benefits yourself but rather for the reason of loving them more than yourself. I ask myself all the time, what do I love more than myself? My answer is God — without hesitation. I love what he has done for me and He was the only one who broke me down to my lowest point in life and allowed me to meet Him in the darkest of pits. He was the only one willing to meet me there. He did not hesitate or have an excuse, he was there! I fell to my knees when He appeared in my life at that time. My heart never experienced that kind of feeling. It was a feeling of power; the presence of God show up. Little did I know He was there all along and I only took a surrender of my own heart to feel this. I cry when I think of that time in my life. I don’t cry out of self pity or pain, I cry because God showed up in every crevice of my dark and hopeless life.

I was down and out. I had nothing on this earth at the time — atleast thats what my flesh thought. For God to not only be consistent in his promise but to show up in that darkness in my life is the most caring, loving thing I have ever felt. The beauty of what He truly has done for me is so sweet that I never want to turn back to my old ways.

Looking back and realizing life in a perspective of experience and sacrifice gives me nothing but hope and opportunity for the future.

I was alive in the hardship of 2013, and it was the most focused and loving part of my life. I have so many questions about life, what will it bring next? How will I survive a hardship a second time? I find when these questions come up I get some excitement because I know God has prepared something unseen of or unheard of for the ones who love Him.

“I think Paul’s partly saying here that a life of sin where our fallen flesh rules us is characterized by death, both because it is deadly and because it’s no way to live. A person in the flesh doesn’t have God in their life—which is more deathly than they know — and they often are making a mess of their lives — whether they know it or not. The person in sin, even when they seem to have the life they wanted, isn’t really experiencing true life but a deathly existence where they are out of sync with what brings true meaning, purpose, and joy.

However, a person in the Spirit is truly experiencing life, even when they’re in pain, hardship, and brokenness. True life is found in know and fellowshipping with God, in the beauty of holiness, in living out the reasons why we were created, and reflecting God as his image-bearers in this world. I think Paul is saying that when we are ruled by the Spirit and set our minds on the things of the Spirit than we experience much more as it was meant to be experienced.” Dustin Crowe

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