2017 PLAYOFFS — SEMIFINAL AND HARRER CUP PREVIEWS (STAR WARS EDITION)
TBD Playoffs 2017: Semifinal + Harrer Cup Previews
#1 D’Onta Stand So Close to Me vs #5 McLicker Lites
- D’Onta leads the all-time series 3–2
- After losing to McLicker Lites in the 2015 and 2016 playoffs, D’Onta gets a crucial revenge game
- In 2015, Coach McVicker obliterated Coach Berg by 80 points in the TBD Bowl quarterfinals
- McLicker Lites have never defeated Coach Berg in a regular season game
- This is as vicious as vicious rivalries get
Match-up History
2015: Ermagherd! Eiferted! def McLicker Lites (Week 5)
2015: McLicker Lites def Ermagherd! Eiferted! (TBD Bowl Quarterfinals)
2016: Dixon(s) Out for Harambe def McLicker Lites (Week 5)
2016: McLicker Lites def Dixon(s) Out for Harambe (TBD Bowl Quarterfinals)
2017: D’Onta Stand So Close to Me def McLicker Lites (Week 9)
If D’Onta’s season were a Star Wars character it would be:
General Grievous: Dude somehow takes down four Jedis, can wield all of their lightsabers but is somehow defeated by bearded Ewan McGregor.
If McLicker Lites’ season were a Star Wars character it would be:
Prequel Obi-Wan: “Hello there.”
SEMIFINAL 2
#2 Youngstown Gangstas vs #6 Bubb Rubb
- Bubb Rubb leads the all-time series 4–2
- Last year’s Harrer Cup champion (Frank) vs last year’s TBD Bowl champion (D2)
- D2 is the only team to have the same team name all 6 years of the league’s existence
- Frank has rostered Big Ben for 4 straight seasons
- Former kickball teammates and Edelman cohorts, helping complete our #AllEdelman Final 4
- Famously trolled Frank in Spring 2017 by not declaring his intention to join the league until AFTER the deadline despite a sternly worded text and letter from Frank
- Cavs/Dubs 4: Frank, finally a season ticket-holder for the Warriors squares off against lifelong Cavs fan, Dan Klempay
- D2 once famously left the draft for about 45 minutes with no explanation and returned after missing a round.
- Big Ben Love: Frank has rostered Ben Roethlisberger for 4 straight seasons.
Match-Up History
2012: Rubb def Gangstas (Week 7)
2013: Gangstas def Rubb (Week 7)
2014: Rubb def Gangstas (Week 7)
2015: Rubb def Gangstas (Week 7)
2016: Gangstas def Rubb (Week 7)
2017: Rubb def Gangstas (Week 2)
If Youngstown Gangstas’ season were a Star Wars character it would be:
Prequel Anakin: Against the wishes of the rest of the league/Jedi Council, goes through Jedi Training and rises in the standings only to be corrupted by his desire to rule over all. Once described his hatred for misuse of the IR slot as “coarse….gets everywhere.” Seduced by power and generally thinks he has the higher ground regardless of the situation — which is the only way one can explain his early season DeMarco Murray for the #1 pick trade.
If Bubb Rubb’s season were a Star Wars character it would be:
Wedge Antilles: Part of every major battle since the beginning. Well respected by his peers and refuses to participate in fart jokes. Would rather be playing baseball, but masks it pretty well.
HARRER CUP
#10 Bilal Is Lost vs. #12 Team Slap & Tickle
- All-time series tied 1–1 after the two inaugural meetings this season
Match-Up History
2017: Bilal def Slap (Week 2)
2017: Slap def Bilal (Week 12)
Bilal Is Lost
- Coach Lord is 1-for-1 in making Harrer Cups in his short time in the league
- He’s also near the climax of a full-blown tank put in a motion with a two-week firesale of Ezekiel Elliott, Rob Gronkowski, Danny Woodhead and Ameer Abdullah before the deadline
- Gave an infamous press conference shortly after the deadline, claiming to be an alchemist and painting a wizard receiving a blowjob from a unicorn
- Isn’t even trying to hide his efforts to lose the Harrer Cup by starting Jacquizz Rodgers, Tampa Bay’s third-string RB currently projected to score 1.1 points on Monday night
- The best player on this dumpster fire of a squad is Josh Gordon, who was just reinstated by the NFL two weeks ago
- Rosters a great defense and special teams with the Ravens (DEF #2) and Matt Bryant (K #7), but unfortunately those only win you games in real life, not in fantasy football
- Is reportedly scheduling a celebratory dinner with Sam Hinkie next week
- Is supposedly excellent at one of the core duties of the Harrer Cup champion. A quote from Coach Lord himself:
Also I’m really
really really really good
at writing haikus
If Bilal is Lost’s season were a Star Wars character it would be:
Jar Jar Binks: Didn’t make a great first impression upon entering the league, and now has an uphill climb to re-establish credibility. Also quick to surrender when surrounded by formidable opponents. Also secretly a Sith Lord.
Team Slap & Tickle
- Travis looked like he could be a contender after a Week 1 where he put up 150 points, but managed only two wins after that in which he scored 92 and 84 points, respectively
- A late season swoon by Kareem Hunt, an injury to Greg Olsen and underwhelming campaigns from Jay Ajayi, Amari Cooper, T.Y. Hilton and Isaiah Crowell (so basically, his entire squad) doomed Team Slap & Tickle
- All of those players were drafted by Travis, who subsequently made little player movement during the season. He stuck by his guys, even if they were putting up turds every week.
- Like Bilal, Team Slap & Tickle sports a great defense in the Seahawks (DEF #8) and kicker in Greg Zuerlein (K #1). So again, for those at home, great defenses and special teams get you Harrer Cup berths, not TBD Bowl berths.
If Team Slap & Tickle’s season were a Star Wars character it would be:
Jek Porkins: Believed that he could hold it together with the team he had. Season went up in flames anyway.
