Coach Sambo Shakes Things Up

The door to the locker room swung open and Coach Sambo (the coach formerly known Coach Samberg), stepped into the pristine space. Coach wanted her players to have the best amenities. Slowly, she walked toward the grunts in the corner where Jonathan Stewart seemed to be struggling with something.

“Jeez, this locker won’t budge.” He yanked it again in frustration. A band of sweat had formed on his brow.

“Let me help you, Stew.” Coach Sambo gave it a little umph and opened with ease.

“Wow! You got it. Been working on that for an hour.” he said.

Sambo rolled her eyes. “That’s actually why I’m here.” She sat down next to J. Stewart as he began to put on his Clifford the Dog socks. “You’ve been a weekly starter for me for half the season. I’d hoped if I kept backing you that you would believe in yourself enough to produce for our squad.”

“Believe in me? Like Tinkerbell?” Stew interrupted.

“Yes. Just like Tinkerbell. And I think we can both agree it’s been a rough go. I’m here to let you know that we’ve finally added some higher-quality personnel — at least for week 9 — and you’re finally going to be benched.”

“What do you mean, coach? I scored a touchdown last week.”

“Well. You’ve looked like shit for a while. You have bricks for hands and don’t even have the strength to open a locker let alone barrel through defenders. You’re benched.” Without another word, Coast got up and walked toward the exit, not once looking back.

Stew’s eyes began to well up with tears, and he slowly brought his thumb up to his mouth to pacify himself. Coach could hear his blubbering as the exit door closed behind her.