McVicker/Yegiazaryan Week 15 Recap
LOS ANGELES — There were only two words to describe Week 15 for Zachary McVicker — roller coaster.
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” said McVicker after his 93.4–92.7 miracle victory against Robert Yegiazaryan and his Fitz a kind of magic squad. “I mean, I’ve been on all the rides at Six Flags — Riddler’s Revenge, Batman, X2, even Colossus back in the day — and this tops them all.”
It couldn’t have started out any better, especially as Ty Montgomery bulldozed his way through the Bears defense to 32.3 points. Meanwhile, the Packers secondary kept picking off Matt Barkley and Davante Adams just couldn’t stop dropping TD passes. In true WTF fashion, even Christine Michael scored a TD for Green Bay. When the dust had settled in Chicago, Aaron Rodgers had thrown zero TD passes.
The McLicker Lites continued to dodge bullets. Le’Veon Bell put up a mortal 15.6 points after hanging a 50-burger on Dak Pics (RIP) a week before. Indianapolis scored four touchdowns against Minnesota, but none of them were by Frank Gore. While the Fitz a kind of magic players put up respectable yardage totals, none of them could seem to find the end zone.
“After the 10 a.m. games I was feeling great,” said McVicker. “It felt like when you’re playing laser tag and you find a great spot where the other team can’t see you and they just keep firing all of their ammo before having to go recharge. Then you sneak away to attack their base and boom, you’ve got the high score all of a sudden.”
The feeling didn’t last, because in the 1 p.m. block, the Raiders and Chargers decided they wanted to play defense at the most inopportune time. Derek Carr and Latavious Murray combined for only 20.2 points, while Kenneth Farrow and Antonio Gates were even worse with 5.9. McVicker couldn’t really blame Farrow for his low outing, because he still scored more points than Todd Gurley. But Carr? Murray? What had happened?
With victory looking more unlikely by the moment, McVicker began searching for someone to blame. And one name came to mind.
“Jarvis f-ing Landry,” said McVicker, who had watched in horror on Saturday night as his former WR had racked up 23.3 points for new team Feed the Zeke. “It would be like him to not score any meaningful points when he played for me but then decide to start shredding the moment I dropped him. What a douche.”
All McVicker could do after Sunday afternoon pass was to wait for the inevitable loss to come. He had a mere 9.8 lead with Jordan Reed and Dustin Hopkins still to go for Fitz a kind of magic. All Reed had to do was catch a 29-yard TD pass with Hopkins kicking the extra point and Yegiazaryan would have punched his ticket to the TBD Bowl. It would have been a cruel turn of events for McVicker, who declined to keep Reed following last year’s promising campaign because of injury concerns.
He decided not to watch the game. Instead, he scored some points with the wife and watched Friends Season 6 on Netflix, since those were the only points he was able to score with his entire team already having played.
After five great episodes, he decided to casually check what the final score was and couldn’t believe what he saw. Reed had been ejected after scoring only 1.1 points. Hopkins had missed an extra point, which took his point total from having kicked three FGs down from 10 to 8. And it meant the McLicker Lites were going to the TBD Bowl.
“I wanted to high five everyone on the Panther defense, thank whoever chose that pair of gloves for Davante Adams and send a gift basket to Ty Montgomery all at the same time,” said McVicker.
Whether McVicker is able to get the gift basket through Green Bay security is anyone’s guess. But one thing is for certain — the legend of “McLicked” only continues to grow. Sure, one could blame Adams’ drops on the cold Chicago winter, Reed’s anger at Kurt Coleman as being provoked and Hopkins’ miss as well, par for the course for Dustin Hopkins. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen know it’s something much bigger.
