Press Conference 9/16/18: McLicker Lites

WOODLAND HILLS, CA — Reporters gathered at the local Menchies where Coach McVicker was getting some froyo after a long Sunday.

Reporter 1: Coach, thanks for the time. You made a big trade this weekend with Robert, talk us through it.

McVicker: Well, I was reminded after Week 1 that Big Ben sucks on the road and Evan Engram still has Eli as his QB, so I made a move to solidify both my quarterback and tight end positions. Jimmy Garoppolo and Travis Kelce are both welcome additions to the McLicker Lites.

Reporter 2: What do you like most about Jimmy G?

McVicker: Tough to say. Maybe his swag. Or his hair. Or his taste in women. How many syllables he has in last name. It could also be a combo of all the above.

Reporter 3: What about Kelce?

McVicker: That’s easy, his dance moves.

Reporter 4: Any regrets trading Stefon Diggs, especially after he put up a big Week 2?

McVicker: I had wanted to take McCaffrey with my second rounder, but Todd took him one pick ahead of me.

*Holds up a sign to the camera that reads Eat a dick, Todd*

So no, no regrets.

Reporter 5: How are you feeling about your match-up with JD heading into Monday night?

McVicker: Feeling confident with Chris Carson still to play and a 22-pt lead. Obviously, nothing is final until the fat lady sings, but I’d very much like to pop JD’s loss cherry and officially welcome him to the league.

Reporter 5: None of us needed that visual.

McVicker: You don’t like fat women singing?

Reporter 5: No, I meant the cherry popping.

McVicker: Oh.

*picks up the cherry from his froyo and pops it slowly*