Recap: End of Season Thoughts from a Rookie (2012)

Bros Who Like Roofies

Final Strength: Overwhelming belief that “The League” will provide the answers to all life’s questions, especially choice of team names.
Final Weakness: Overwhelming and sad hope that MJD would get better.
Expert Rookie Advice: Should have stuck with Chalupa Batman.

The Diary of LisFranc

Final Strengths: Holding onto Doug Martin after trading Torrey Smith to Bros Who Like Roofies. He carried your team.
Final Weakness: LisFranc’s other RBs were injured (Sproles and Murray) or complete fantasy disappointments. READ: Ronnie Hillman.
Expert Rookie Advice: Don’t trade Brandon Marshall when he’s hot…idiot.

Bubb Rubb

Final Strength: Bubb Rubb never gave up hope on Cam Newton. Sort of like clapping for Tinkerbell to come back to life.
Final Weakness: C.J. Spiller’s regular mediocre showings. Just good enough to keep him on the roster, just annoying enough to want Alex Green on your bench for backup.
Expert Rookie Advice: Chris Johnson: Use at your own risk!

Team Quijano

Final Strength: Defense! Team Quijano pulled Big Ben and Bilal Powell off the waivers the week she played I Don’t Roll On Cobbos. With RG3 injured and Cobbos forced to play Brandon Weeden, she took the victory. Well played.
Final Weakness: Trusting Joique Bell. Just don’t!
Expert Rookie Advice: Nothing. Quijano won!

Youngstown Gangstas

Final Strength: None.
Final Weakness: Youngstown Gangstas decided to roll the dice with an injury-prone Ahmad Bradshaw. Sort of like betting on an amputee to win a three-legged race; he never gets it done on his own. Too many RB issues on Giants team to feel confortable.
Expert Rookie Advice: Aaron Rodgers cannot carry a fantasy team on his own. When Matt Forte and an erratic Julio Jones are some of your best players, it’s time to rethink your strategy.

Team Ruppe

Final Strength: Even though she was out of contention, Team Ruppe proudly ended her season with a 49er QB. Bravo!
Final Weakness: Team Ruppe thought it was a good idea to gable on Jeremy Maclin. If there is something we all learned this season, don’t bet on a Brown, and don’t bet on an Eagle. *hangs head in shame*
Expert Rookie Advice: Perhaps drafting players other than 49ers would get you a little further. If you keep going that route, I’ll insist on being in every league you play in.

Team Yegiazaryan

Final Strength: Team Yegiazaryan’s team was awesome. Respect.
Final Weakness: ‘Luck of the draw’ beat this team. Team Quijano just couldn’t be stopped.
Expert Rookie Advice: Go to Vegas. Bet on black.

Rolling Blounts

Final Strength: BALLS! Rolling Blounts gambled on Andy Dalton instead of Stafford numerous times and lost. But he certainly has balls. A 4th place showing after a mediocre 6–6 season? Not bad. BALLS!
Final Weakness: After some awesome games and some horrible games, Jordy Nelson found a home in the Land of Meh, not unlike Rolling Blounts’ season. I also blame Eli Manning for this team’s final downfall. Even with a healthy Victor Cruz, Manning’s sucky season was felt all over the place.
Expert Rookie Advice: Choose your receivers wisely. Tony Gonzalez shouldn’t be the best player on your team.

Cry Me a Rivers

Final Strength: With 37 acquisition, Cry Me a Rivers never gave up hope that perhaps THIS would be the week his waiver pickup would pay off. Peace in the Middle East is more likely than Rivers making a good waiver pickup.
Final Weakness: This team had so many injuries. I can’t pick just one and it was no fault of his own.
Expert Rookie Advice: I suggest you never draft Philip Rivers again!

Furious Commodores

Final Strength: Peyton Manning? Adrian Peterson? Alfred Morris? What happened, dude?
Final Weakness: No Marbles. Furious Commodores had some interesting players on his bench later in the season. Hard to take a risk when they’re riding the bench. (Keep in mind this is coming from someone who rolled the dice on Shonne Greene and lost).
Expert Rookie Advice: Get off the Fitzgerald bandwagon. You can’t be a great receiver when you have a shitty quarterback. Just ask the gays.

I Don’t Roll on Cobbos

Final Strength: Cobbos maintains that Randall Cobb was some sort of lucky charm.
Final Weakness: Benching Stevie Johnson in the semis of the playoffs. FUCK!
Expert Rookie Advice: Listen to Adam Rosenberg’s fantasy football advice, then do the opposite.

Team Harrer

Final Strength: Waking up in the morning.
Final Weakness: Maintaining the tradition of not starting a full roster.
Expert Rookie Advice: No comment.