TBD Bowl V Preview: The Ghosts of Harrers Past
The second installment of a week-long preview on TBD Bowl V. Read Part I here.
On a gloomy Wednesday morning in Los Angeles, Zachary McVicker reflected on the all-out war he was about to wage in this weekend’s TBD Bowl.
The matchup was more than winning a few hundred dollars. More than bragging rights for a year. More than satisfying public demand for a McLicker Lite victory.
For McVicker, it’s about once and for all ridding the stench of Paul Harrer from his squad.
Two years ago, McVicker agreed to assume control of a God-awful fantasy football squad, knowing full well the challenge that lay ahead. For those who have done their best to forget the Harrer era, here’s a helpful refresher. League members didn’t anticipate meaningful competition from McVicker for at least a few years.
But the man with too much hair for his own good defied the odds and was able to guide his squad to TBD Bowl IV in his first year in the league, suffering a hard-fought loss to Andy Lutzky’s Gostkowskizky’zky squad. He followed that up with a 9–3 campaign in 2016, earning the 1 seed and punching a second consecutive ticket to the championship.
TBD Bowl berths are to be commended, but McVicker is aiming higher.
“Winning the whole thing would truly put to rest any questions on whether this team has moved past the Harrer debacle,” said McVicker. “I mean, there’s no one left from that roster once we traded Jordan (Matthews), and rightfully so. But the guys on this team don’t deserve to be associated with such ineptitude in any way, shape or form.”
It’s not just McVicker that’s looking to leave any association with Harrer behind. TBD Bowl opponent Dan Klempay has the dubious distinction of winning the Harrer Cup in two of the last three years. His 2015 squad had Blake Bortles at quarterback, which tells you all you really need to know.
But Klempay has rewritten the script in 2016, riding huge campaigns from Matt Ryan and Mike Evans to a 9–3 finish, smashing helpless opponents along the way. He gave fellow league owners a hard time along the way, refusing to change his team name to DooDooCumFudge as mandated by league rules for Harrer Cup winners and incessantly arguing about the technicalities of the IR spot. He even relocated to New York City midseason, necessitating an upcoming review of his West of Van Ness division membership.
“I think all of the opposition has fueled me to this point,” said Klempay. “Every time I get into an argument with someone on the league email group, I just tell Mike Evans to go put up 150 yards and 2 TDs on their team and it has worked great.”
One opponent he was unable to best during the regular season happened to be the McLicker Lites, who downed the Youngstown Gangstas in Week 10, 117.1–87.5. It was a key win for McVicker, as it gave him the tiebreaker for the 1 seed and proved that he could win with Derek Carr and Latavius Murray on bye.
One critical difference in their TBD Bowl matchup — Ty Montgomery, who started as the FLEX for Youngstown Gangstas in Week 10, put up a measly three points and was dropped by Klempay shortly thereafter — now suits up for the McLicker Lites. He could prove to be a key factor after he carried the team to a semifinal win against Fitz a kind of magic with 32 points.
“They say once a Gangsta, always a Gangsta,” said Montgomery. “ But in this case, it’s definitely not true. I’m a McLicker Lite, and I look forward to FLEXing my muscle against coach Klemp. Get it? Because I’m in the FLEX spot? Pretty funny shit if you ask me.”
Aside from whether Montgomery can continue his postseason magic, other questions loom for the McLicker Lites this weekend:
- Can Todd Gurley take advantage of the matchup of a lifetime against the 49ers? Or will he continue to be Todd Gurley?
- Will Julio Jones finally decide his toe doesn’t hurt all that much and give it a go against Carolina?
- If he does, should the McLicker Lites deploy two Atlanta receivers (Jones and Taylor Gabriel) to neutralize Ryan’s impact?
- Will Antonio Gates and Sammy Watkins shake off terrible Week 15 outings and actually put up more than two points?
For Klempay, the question simply is this — will he become the latest manager to be McLicked, or will his IDGAF tude make him impervious? Only the TBD Bowl can decide.
Editor’s note: Paul Harrer was not contacted for comment on this post. The staff decided to forgo journalistic integrity just this once to protect the intelligence of its readers.
