#WeBERGlieve

As the confetti and balloons fell from the ceiling onto the ballroom floor, Coach Sambo (CS) stepped to the podium and reflected on her victory over league #2, George Got Lucyd.

“It was an uphill battle from the start,” she told the crowd of well-dressed attendees. “I messaged Coach Berg on Thursday afternoon and said, ‘I need a miracle.’ His response? ‘I’ll pray for you.’”

Coach Sambo continued, “And let me tell you, ladies and gentleman, God was on our side this week. The first miracle came on Thursday Night. Cam Newton, ranked as the week’s #1 QB among most experts, shit the bed.”

“Language!” snipped and elderly woman in the back.

“Sorry. My bad. He pooped the bed. Anyway…the miracles kept rolling in. Can I get an amen?”

“AMEN!”

“Goff — 27 points!”

“AMEN!”

“Cody Parkey missed 4 kicks off the uprights!”

“AMEN!”

“Jaguars scored negative points!”

“AMEN!”

Zeke scored 2 TDs!

“AMEN!”

“Nick Chubb exploded all over the Falcon’s faces!” CS screamed, almost hurling herself over the podium.

**gasps**

CS pulled back, straightened out her silver sequined tuxedo jacket, and took a long sip of whiskey. “What I meant to say, ladies and gentleman, is that Nick Chubb had a blessed game! God was on his side! Can I get a hallelujah?”

“Hallelujah!”

Sambo pulled out a giant bottle of champagne. “They said, ‘thoughts and prayers’ don’t work! They were wrong! Can I get a hallelujah?” Sambo shook the bottle.

Hallelujah!

“Shout out to Coach Berg for putting in a good word with the big man upstairs! This is God’s team, bitches!” The crowd cheered. CS let the cork rip, and the suds soak the adoring crowd.