Feeling is everything — LGBT+ Isolation in COVID times
What is your experience so far of lockdown? Mine has been positive despite the fear of contraction and loss of work to my business that I established 20 years ago in the form of a diversity consultancy. My biggest concern has been safety and that puts everything else into perspective. So far so good — my immediate family is safe, and we are learning how to live together in this new unpredictable world. Two middle-aged lesbians, my son (a first-year university undergrad who got a fleeting taste of university life and campus fun , only to be forced back home after a few brief weeks), and my 17 year-old daughter (now doing A levels via Zoom, boarding school but a distant memory).
This is not what we expected 2020 to look like. This not what any of us have guessed in our wildest dreams the year would be like. What will come of the plans and hopes of generations to come as a result of the global pandemic? One thing is certain, it’s changing us and thus our resilience has the chance to develop through adversity — if we allow it to. Our mindset governs how we live our lives and the lessons we choose to learn from it — or not learn and result in frustration and pain. This is why I am passionate about growth — the growth of the mind. How we think determines how we feel and feeling is everything.
In Mindset, Carol Dweck explains — There’s another mindset in which these traits are not simply a hand you’re dealt and have to live with, always trying to convince yourself and others that you have a royal flush when you’re secretly worried it’s a pair of tens. In this mindset, the hand you’re dealt is just the starting point for development. This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.
Looking around we see that we may all be in the same storm, but we are certainly not in the same boat. The diversity that divides us shows that COVID disproportionally impacts diverse members of society — mortality statics show us that the BAME community, gender and social mobility have all been affected so much by COVID’s deep knife.
This virus does appear to discriminate and as such the need for inclusion has never been more urgent. The weekly clap for our wonderful NHS heroes unites us, the community is pulling together and neighbours who previously, in our very British way, we would but give a passing nod to are now regular chatting friends. This is not the case for all communities, however.
Being LGBT+ in lockdown is not something we can generalise about — there are multiple stories of loneliness, domestic abuse, claustrophobia and loss of connection. Especially true for younger people who may not be allowed to be open about who they are and face months of lockdown in an isolated world despite being at home with family. When I finally joined the dots and worked out I was a lesbian, it was important to me to ‘find my people’. I came out late; I was in my 40s. It took me a long time to come to terms with who I was and what that meant. As a teenager in the 1980s the only lesbians I knew of were tennis players! Thankfully LGBT+ visibility is very different in today’s western world. The online community and launch soon of numerous virtual Pride events gives us an opportunity to connect. Streets, pubs and clubs are closed to mass gatherings, so the internet becomes the door and the space for community and collaboration. Now is the time for influencers and organisations to use their social capital to drive inclusion.
One of the positive side effects I have noticed in working with organisations in lockdown has been the humanisation of work. Despite most of us not travelling to an office the immediacy of Zoom or equivalent has bought the workplace directly into our home. This has created an added dimension to our colleagues and critically our leaders. The status that separated us has in many ways been eroded. We see bookshelves, chaos, children, plants and pets. These people are human, approachable fallible and at times frail. Storytelling connects humans and opens the door of trust, drives empathy and is the glue of inclusion. We can all share if we have the courage to do so. Great leadership is about us distancing ourselves from our ego and having the courage to be frail, to be vulnerable and ultimately to pave the way for those that follow in our steps.
Inclusion and diversity are at risk in the crises — but are critical for business recovery, resilience and re-imagination. Now is the time to use our collective voice to ensure isolated communities know they are still a part of a wider LGBT family — feeling is everything.
