DADA NEWS!
A Man Named “John Barron” Keeps Calling Pam Bondi About The Epstein Files
And this week’s other graffiti news headlines!
- Attorney General Pam Bondi says a mysterious man named “John Barron” keeps calling her to threaten her if she releases the unredacted Epstein files.
- Internet sleuths have reportedly spotted several ketchupy fingerprint stains on some of the Epstein files Pam Bondi released publicly that appear to match Donald Trump’s prints.
- The feminist mafia that calls itself “The Cliterati” are reportedly buying billboards in 30 cities that will say “TRUMP SLUMP,” “TRUMPFLATION,” “TRUMP’S RECESSION,” and “TRUMPVILLES COMING SOON.”
- National security officials say they’re worried Trump is “dangerously close” to antagonizing the Europeans to the point of releasing intel their spy agencies may have found on Trump’s Epstein connections, Russian mafia ties, secret children, and prostitute honey traps.
- A petition calling for sending the Trumps back to Germany because when Trump’s grandfather came over, “Germany was not sending its best,” has gotten 10 million signatures in one day.
- Trump says the idea to start trade wars with Canada and Mexico was Vladimir Putin’s idea, not his, so no one should blame him for the plummeting stock market or the rise in unemployment.
- JD Vance is reportedly furious and humiliated that the Internet is full of memes of him with a chubby, Cabbage Patch Doll head.
- An official at the Hasbro toy company says Cabbage Patch Dolls have earned record sales this week from political influencers buying the dolls in bulk to make fun of JD Vance’s big head with them.
- Internet experts say the memes of JD Vance having a giant, bowling ball head like a Cabbage Patch Kid doll that are currently proliferating on every social media platform is the most viral Internet joke of all time.
- Top US military officials say the strict wording of Trump’s anti-Woke executive orders means that Trump himself cannot visit any military base or ceremony because his makeup qualifies him as a drag queen.
- Trump is reportedly worried the growing global boycotts of Tesla and Starlink will soon make Elon Musk poor.
- Donald Trump Jr. is reportedly upset that everytime he tells someone he’s going to run for president in 2028, they burst out laughing.
- Pollsters hired by Donald Trump Jr. for gauging a 2028 presidential campaign are reportedly struggling to figure out how to tell him he has the lowest likeability numbers of any candidate they’ve ever worked with.
- House Republicans are going to conduct an exorcism for the US economy on Monday morning “to banish the Satanic demons who are making stocks go down.”
- Cybertruck owners are asking Elon Musk to institute DEI protections for them after being discriminated against for the cars they drive.
- A new poll found that 76% of Americans would support repealing the 22nd Amendment just for the 2028 election to see Barack Obama destroy Donald Trump.
- A new poll found that 72% of Americans support bringing back the ancient Greek democracy’s tradition of ostracism to banish Elon Musk from America for the next ten years.
- Trump reportedly complimented Marco Rubio’s loyalty for putting a “T for Trump” on his forehead on Ash Wednesday.
- Donald Trump Jr. and JD Vance are reportedly already backstabbing each other behind the scenes to angle for running for president in 2028.
- A lone, anonymity-requesting Republican Senator is starting to worry he has been putting his career ahead of the country by not saying anything about Donald Trump suddenly ruining everything. 🥃
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