CHURCH AND STATE
Christianity Is In Crisis, Brother!
Don’t you understand why?
***Note: This is satire***
Fellow men of the cloth, we cannot stand by as the number of church-goers continues to decline. We need decisive action! The church and its policies need to be enforced in every facet of life, and we need to ensure this happens quickly and forcefully.
Turning the other cheek is a liberal talking point. We don’t want to be mistaken for weak libtards, so just leave out all that cheek-turning business. We’re fed up with this namby-pamby stuff and we’re not gonna take it anymore. Onward Christian soldiers!
Some might say biblical teachings do not conform to the Jesus we’ve created in our own image. Nothing could be further from the truth!
In a Jeffersonian manner, we’ve carefully selected the most important parts of the bible conforming to our divinely-inspired interpretation. Like founding Thomas, we have no doubt that we must help our flocks assimilate the irrefutable truth.
Use your bully pulpit!
Don’t forget that the pulpit is higher and more commanding when placed atop a ballot box. Broadcast the correct and proper reading of the Word of God.
Ignore the thought that any time one stumps for one side or the other in the American political arena, he alienates at least half of the population. We’re not going to let anyone dissuade us from the pursuit of what is good and right. Particularly not the snowflake socialists.
And don’t stop there. Use every means available to proclaim and enforce our faith.
If the majority of citizens want abortion, we’re going to use the courts and our God-inspired legislatures to end the murders. We know what’s right.
Do not be intimidated by the smokescreen of the never-enforced Johnson Amendment. It is our mission to root out evil and proclaim our faith. The choice has never been more clear. When our opponents foster lawlessness, seek to destroy our traditional families, and undermine the value of hard work, we cannot sit by idly. We must decry the actions of these followers of the Devil and support those who fight the good fight.
That there is no mention of God in the Constitution is a mere oversight. Our Christian forefathers did not need to include His Name because their thoughts and actions were permeated by His divine guidance.
Use your First Amendment right to enforce Christianity in both Church and State!
Author’s note: Perhaps if y‘all would stick to spreading the word of Jesus, you would not be losing membership. How about a little less anger at the money changers in politics and a little more compassion and empathy for the sheep without a shepherd?
Just a suggestion.
Additional author’s note: It’s hard to take this “crisis” seriously since it appears that Christianity is always in Crisis.
2023:
2012:
1993
1973
