Conservatives Don’t Relish Their Cruel Reputation?
It’s nobody’s fault but their own
The other day someone objected to a comment I’d written characterizing conservatives as “merciless.” I was responding to an article calling attention to yet another despicable effort to marginalize an already marginalized group . . .
The truth is, I’d posted my response several months ago. I didn’t reread the original article, and don’t remember what it was about. All I know is that I’d been quoting the author when I used the word “merciless” — that I was agreeing with them in their assessment of whatever subject they’d raised.
Though I failed to glance at the original article, I did read — twice — the comment of the person who was now disagreeing with me. They said my assertion was BS, that they had been raised around mean Democrats, that some conservatives were compassionate, that I was wrong to tar an entire group with the same brush.
After reading the comment and mulling it over, I blocked the writer.
Why? Because we were too far apart in our thinking, and because it’s a waste of time explaining to others what they’re not willing to see.
Since then, though, I’ve asked myself what the motivation of that commenter might have been. Why did they feel compelled to defend conservatives as compassionate? Why was it important for them to inform me that Democrats can be unkind, too?
My conclusion? It comes back to human nature. As a conservative, they don’t want to think of themselves as a monster — because really, nobody does.
It’s not a “me” problem
That said, I don’t think the problem lies with me, or in my overgeneralization of a group that explicitly and relentlessly broadcasts who they are and what they stand for. I don’t think that shaming little ol’ me into looking with a friendlier eye at those who embrace modern American conservatism is going to push the needle at all.
It’s certainly not going to solve that commenter’s dilemma, which is that, to many Americans, conservatives appear to be a completely merciless bunch.
I’ve mentioned that I didn’t glance at the article that prompted my comment, and honestly I didn’t need to. Because of the topics I follow — the social concerns that I have — I know that I was likely reading about LGBTQ+ issues, or about religious intolerance, women’s bodily autonomy, immigrant justice, social equity or systemic racism.
I know that the information I gather from Medium writers is corroborated by various reliable news sources. Further, I’ve seen the laws put forward by my state’s GOP-majority legislature, the laws that have passed in other Republican states, the GOP’s hateful platform, the clamor from too many American Christians to “turn our nation toward God.”
I feel the growing pressure as a woman, the mother of women, the grandmother of girls, an ex-Christian, a volunteer crisis counselor, a resident of this fragile planet. I see where the pain is bubbling up. I see who’s helping and who is hurting. I am horrified by the heartlessness.
And it isn’t coming from liberals.
As we sow, so shall we reap
Even so, I’ll bet that my commenter with their Democratic family is facing hostility, and I won’t disagree that there’s a lot of it in the air right now. Perhaps — I’m sure, even — that being shunned because you want to control women’s bodies, or you support a government that pushes desperate people into rivers, or you believe that the Bible should be the law of the land, or that the books you don’t like should be banned — it can’t feel good.
I imagine it must hurt to have others think of you as heartless just because you oppose healthcare for all, or you want school children to go hungry, or you support a man who makes fun of disabled people and locks kids in cages.
But here’s the thing. You can’t have it all. Conservatives in the U.S. want control. They want power. They want others to conform to their way of thinking — or if they can’t have that, then to their way of acting. They want to be able to legally bully minorities. They want to force LGTBQ+ people back into their closets and women back into their kitchens. They want to deny the history and truth of huge swaths of humans who have suffered unspeakable horrors at the hands of other conservatives.
I’ll say it again. You can’t have it all — a thirst for control and a reputation for human kindness. If you’re going to align yourself with those who support fascist ideologies and spout hateful conspiracies, if you’re going to belong to a group that encourages Nazis and white supremacists — that waxes lyrical about “the good old days,” when only they and their kind were allowed to thrive — you’re not going to be known for your compassion.
You’re going to have to deal with others, including me, thinking you’re a complete a-hole.
The wrong side of history
I’ve seen the civil rights-era photos — the white women with their twisted faces, screaming at Black children walking to school; the white men with their slavering dogs and thick sticks waiting to hurt unarmed others; the mobs of white-sheeted effing cowards burning a cross on a lawn . . .
These are not heroes. Decent people don’t look at those photos and say, wow, what a good person that was! I hope I’m remembered that way. I hope my children turn out like that.
You can’t align yourself with such ugliness, and expect your legacy to be beautiful. That was true then, and it’s true now.
You can’t be a Holocaust denier and convince me you’re a great humanitarian. You can’t force women to die for nonviable fetuses, and convince me you’re pro-life. You can’t worship an unapologetic misogynist who’s been credibly accused of sexual assault, and convince me that you respect women. You can’t support those who tried to overturn our democracy — to steal my vote and the votes of millions of other Americans — and convince me you’re a patriot.
As for the “conservatives aren’t heartless” line, I’ve heard that one before. I’ve read it, in fact, in the obituaries of many, many anti-vaccine, COVID-denying, anti-LGBTQ, anti-liberal, Jesus-loving, gun-toting conservatives. Nearly every one of them, I’m told, “would have given the shirt off their back” for those around them.
If that’s all that’s expected from conservatives — that they’re kind to those who think, look, act and believe as they do — then I suppose many do pass the test. But this world is a whole lot bigger than their homes, their neighborhoods, their small towns, their small minds.
If, while lending your lawnmower to your white neighbor or tithing to your church, you’re simultaneously working to destroy the lives and steal the autonomy of people you’ve never met — if you’re proudly aligning yourself with a faction that feeds on ignorance, that continuously and disingenuously distorts and overgeneralizes the lives of already marginalized humans, threatening their safety, their very existence . . .
I’m sorry you don’t like my disapproval. I hear that it makes you upset. If you’re going to call yourself a conservative, though, you should probably get used to it.
