Do Progressives Want a Future? Then Start Voting Like a Republican!
Tear a Page Out Of the Republican Playbook
Since the mainstream press has decided to promote a lying felon for our next president because they get more clicks and sponsors when he is spewing lies and assaulting people, we will need to take a fresh approach to being Democrats.
Note: This is only a fresh approach for our side, because Republicans have been using it for decades with good effect.
Ready? Repeat after me: “I’m voting for democracy.” That’s it. That is our mantra, no matter what the press or the felon (or any of his followers) tosses our way. I’ll offer some alternatives later if you get bored with that mantra, but it’s really all you need. Here’s why.
In 2016 the conversations with Republicans went like this:
Your boy is a rapist. “Yeah, but I’m voting for the court.”
Your boy is a fraud. “Yeah, but I’m voting for the court.”
Your boy failed at every business he ever touched. “Yeah, but I’m voting for the court. Besides, what about her emails?”
And guess what they got? Yep. The court. The corrupt, Federalist, Fuck-Democracy court.
The mainstream media are NOT reporting that a seventy-eight year old narcissistic candidate can’t put a coherent sentence together, can’t walk a city block, waves to people who aren’t there, holds the Bible upside down, lies with every breath, sold out to our worst enemies, is a convicted felon, has zero family support, mixes people up, stole and hid our most sensitive documents (I haven’t seen ONE comparison to the Rosenbergs), incited an attack on our Capital during the transition of power, is ushering in Project 2025, cozies up to autocrats, dodged the draft, worships Hitler, or that people who worked with him found him to be dangerous, stupid and vindictive. Where are THOSE stories? (Oh, not enough clicks for you? Okay, let’s let him flush our country and history down the toilet. Forget I asked.)
Today’s conversations with Republicans are similar.
Your boy was twice indicted. “I’m voting for a theocracy.” (They don’t actually say this, but it’s what every response means.)
Your boy is a child rapist. “I’m voting for a theocracy.”
Your boy is a convicted felon. “I’m voting for a theocracy. God forgives our sins.”
Your boy is a liar. “I’m voting for a theocracy.”
Their strategy worked before, and unless we tear a page from their book it will work again.
All these calls for Biden to “step aside” are part of their plan. WHY ARE WE LISTENING?? Now, if we were sheep, that might be a good plan. But we are not.
Sigh. Another sigh.
If we were sheep, Biden could step aside and turn things over to the highly competent Harris, and we would say, “Thanks, Joe! Let’s vote for Harris!!!” But let’s be honest with ourselves: Democrats will not do that. We will say, “Thanks Joe! Now, who do we want?” And what will follow is a shit show of defeat, while we wrangle about progressive purity and wash our freedoms down the well-deserved sewer system of autocracy/theocracy.
We know this about us. We need time to PROCESS. We need time to COMPARE/CONTRAST. We need time to ARGUE IN PUBLIC. We need time to FIND TINY FAULTS IN EACH OTHER’S PAST. And while we do that, the Orange One’s minions will be “voting for theocracy.” Because, God. And because, you know, “her emails.”
And then we will have bibles in schools and women in the kitchen and a burning planet and a plummeting economy.
So, my lambs, this is the way to victory. This is what we can do so that we can argue among ourselves another day. To EVERY objection from ANYONE about who is on the ticket — which is likely to be Biden, but could be anyone — we say, “I’m voting for Democracy.”
Whether it’s Biden, or Harris or whoever is at the top of the blue ticket after the mayhem that the Democratic Convention promises to be, we stop adding nuance to ANY conversation. We have one line. Practice it now with me. “I’m voting for democracy.”
Them: “Harris was an anchor baby.”
Us: “I’m voting for democracy.”
Them: “Your boy falls asleep when he’s talking.”
Us: “I’m voting for democracy.”
Them: “Make America Great Again!”
Us: “I am. I’m voting for democracy.”
See. It’s a simple assignment. One line to learn. You can do this. We can do this.
Okay, I know us. We get bored with simplicity. We get impatient without nuance. For those who want advanced election 406, here are some alternatives when they say, in whatever language, “Your candidate sucks!”
Us:
“I’m voting for bodily autonomy.”
“I’m voting for an expanded court.”
“I’m voting to preserve Social Security.”
“Have you read ‘Project 2025’? No? Well I’m voting for fuck that.”
If it gets heated, and they shake a fist or promise to pipe bomb your daycare, drop back to the basics. “I’m voting for democracy!”
Ignore the Russian bot Twitter trolls. Ignore CNN, ABC, MSNBC, FOX, OAN, CBS, All Polls, NBC, and especially the NYT.
If we want the chance to squabble among ourselves another day, vote like a Republican. Just this once. Being right is not nearly as much fun as an expanded court. Please join me.
I’m voting for democracy.
