As Johnson Promises a Golden Age, Will Our Civilisation Stand the Test
of Time?
Boris Johnson has promised a ‘new Golden Age’ for the country.
Speaking as the new Prime Minister to the House of Commons, Johnson told Members of Parliament that he was confident that national happiness would remain sufficiently high for enough turns to trigger a brief period of excellence.
In this period, the new Prime Minister insisted, the generation of the nation’s production, culture and gold would increase.
Citing himself as an example, the period of civilizational opulence might also inspire the birth of future great people who would make significant contributions to the national wellbeing. (The Lemon Press does not know whether he meant to point us to his own personal greatness, or his role in the creation of others.)
Johnson dodged questions about other matters, such as why we are sending spearmen into battle with stealth bombers, to focus on talking up the prospects of a Golden Age.
‘We’ve got Stonehenge, we’ve got the Globe Theatre, we’ve got Big Ben,’ Johnson told the Commons, ‘what more cultural output do you need?’
Whereas his predecessor seemed to sympathise with an ideology of order, Johnson and the Members of Parliament who now form his Cabinet are ardent supporters of freedom.
A Golden Age could make it easier to achieve major goals, but opinion is divided on how much it will affect relations with other nations, particularly with regard to the Brexit negotiations, something that many Members of the House wanted the Prime Minister to clarify.
Emissaries from foreign governments have cast doubt on the chance of a successful deal with Europe. Some drew attention to the amount of time it has taken for the British to make a start. ‘It has taken so long for the British to sort out a settlement,’ remarked one diplomat, ‘that one wonders whether they will be quite familiar with, say, the Renaissance by 2020.’
‘I see no way of enjoying any sort of diplomatic victory,’ commented another one senior European commentator, who went on to denounce Johnson publicly, warning the world that he is not to be trusted.
‘Judging on how Boris Johnson acted in light of the Kim Darroch affair, it is clear to other Europeans that Johnson has not researched the civil service, will struggle to get his head around economics, and is entirely unacquainted with chivalry.’
Things seem grim for British relations with other civilisation. Johnson’s tenure as Foreign Secretary has damaged the nation’s credibility for negotiations, which will no doubt undermine the Brexit discussions with other European powers. Spies who are currently undercover in other nations say that our neighbours are plotting against us.
The Lemon Press understands that, if all else fails, Johnson’s diplomats could simply ask other countries, ‘Would you be interested in a trade agreement with England?’
— Jack Harvey
