Friendship: A steady stream of passing ships
“True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”
— Unknown
The best friend I made in Europe doesn’t live here anymore.
She’s back in her home country, doing the kind of work anybody would be proud of.
The best friend I made at 11 lives across the sea and an entire continent away from me. But she’s my family and we never stop being able to pick up right where we left off when life gets in the way.
The best friend I made in my late teens is at home right now, probably kissing one of her beautiful babies, as I try hard not to imagine a life where we’d be swapping parenting tips and raising our families together.
But that’s okay.
Goodbyes and Godspeed.
Today, I was with a friend I met at the end of last year. Truly one of the most inspiring people I’ve ever met yet and one of the kindest souls. We talked all about her exciting plans to move back to the States this summer and how we need to soak up as much time as we can before that happens.
It’s gotten me to reflect on a few things. I stood in the elevator, and as the doors closed, I stood watching her walk out of the building. And it got me thinking about how life moves.
Steady, wild, powerful as the sea.
It is all around. Ready to swallow us whole and take us under, or guide us safely to our chosen destination. And like ships, we just sail along.
We drift, we wander. Our bow quietly cutting through smooth glassy water during a calm stretch. Occasionally tossed up by overfalls, but always moving on. Constantly studying and learning the skills necessary to guide ourselves safely.
But who wants to be alone in the sea forever? Even pirates had a crew. Whether you want your trip to be a glittering yacht party, a fishing boat with a few of your friends, or something in between, we all sail off somewhere. And despite what anyone fears or even wants to believe, we don’t go the journey alone.
I’ve gotten better at goodbyes than I’d expected to by this age. I think so much of this has to do with how connected the world feels right now. Even a relatively shy woman like me has something to do nearly every night. I have events to attend, apéros to dine on, courses to study, and new friends to make.
My ship is sailing past dozens of new ones each and every week. I find myself planning my times to just be alone and watch YouTube videos while I’ve got zit cream on my face.
I’m living in the over-connected social media society we’ve all been brought up into. And while I don’t always know if I like that, it’s made me decent at two things: careful hellos and heartfelt goodbyes.
On any given day, I’m guarding myself from attachment while trying to open myself up for the possibility I’ve just met my long-lost friend I never knew I needed. Or, I’m trying to open up while trying not to let the impending farewell break my heart.
So, in other words, I’m an average millennial?
Home is where the heart is.
In my early 20s, I was convinced I’d found my friendship circle that could go on to inspire some heartfelt Friends-style sitcom someday. We were tight.
We shared so many of life’s firsts with each other and held each other during the unexpected twists, turns, and hardships that can come with the coming of age. I knew we’d be in each others lives forever. Maybe even settling down in the same place eventually.
But life had other plans. And without going into all the detail (another post, maybe?) I’ve somehow found myself a married expat living in a mountainous country that way too many people keep confusing with Sweden.
Today, these friends and I rarely go a day without reaching out to each other. And I’m truly lucky that even after so many years, living very different lives from each other and so far away, we all still love and care for each other.
Who knows? Maybe there’s a heartfelt story there anyway.
As the old saying goes, “home is where the heart is”. And if it can be true, then that must mean I belong somewhere else, too.
So, I may not feel at home in the way I’d hoped to by this day and age, but it expands to so many places.
My heart is in Culver City, California. It’s in Henderson, Nevada.
My heart is on holiday somewhere in Connecticut and Pennsylvania.
My heart is in Kingman, Arizona.
In upstate New York.
It’s found its way to Canada, Mexico, and Brazil by now.
It’s in Finland, it’s been to France. It’s gone to Georgia, and it’s in Germany.
And, even though the friends I keep close by seem to come and go as my expat bubble adjusts to different sizes, my heart has found a good home in Zurich, Switzerland.
“Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes.”
–Henry David Thoreau
I suppose I’ve mulled over the fact that I’m really not afraid to see a friend set sail in a new direction these days. We’ve all got places to go, new spaces to see.
To say goodbye used to feel like the worst pain in the world. But to look at it rationally, it’s more a triumph for you both than anything.
After all, it implies there’s been something good.
And somehow, regardless of what happens, I can’t help but feel there’s always an opportunity our ships might pass each other again. Perhaps it’s because of the very age of information and social media society that sometimes leaves us feeling so ready for brave, new chapters.
With that, home is never far away. You carry it in your heart. You carry it in your soul. And in a more literal sense, I’m frequently carrying mine in my pocket on my phone.
So, if you’ve been a friend, I hope our ships will pass again.
Perhaps, next time to stay together. But I’ll be fine to just say “hi” to you and your crew every now and again.
